| new start..

please do check out my new home..

| our new baby - cross-breed of pomeranian and chihuahua

| someday..

Someday, you'll gonna realize One day, you'll see this through my eyes But then I won't even be thereI'll be happy somewhere Even if I can't I know you don't really see my worth You think you're the last guy on earth Well, I've got news for you I know I'm not that strong But it won't take long, won't take long Cause someday, someone's gonna love me The way I wanted you to need meSomeday, someone's gonna take your place One day, I'll forget about you You'll see, I won't even miss you Someday, someday But now, I know you can tell I'm down and I'm not doin' well But one day, these tears They will all run dryI won't have to cry sweet goodbye Cause someday, someone's gonna love me The way I wanted you to need me Someday, someone's gonna take your place, woh One day, I'll forget about you You'll see, I won't even miss you Someday, I know someone's gonna be there Someday, someone's gonna love me The way I wanted you to need me Someday, someone's gonna take your place One day, I'll forget about you You'll see, I won't even miss you Someday, someday...

| chill out..

smoke.. drink.. watch some dvds.. sit back and relax.. hay!!! miss my smoking buddies and homies from college.. miss my bestfriend jay..

just wanna share something.. im watching jolina and marvin's film right now on Cinema1..

Bujoy: Hindi mo naman ako maiintindihan eh dahil kahet kelan hindi moko inintindi.. Dahil kaibigan mo lang ako.. And that's all i was to you, Ned.. Your bestfriend.. Taga-gawa ng assignments mo, taga-enrol, takbuhan kapag may problema.. And i am so stupid to make the biggest mistake of falling in love with my bestfriend.. Dahil kahet kelan di mo naman ako kayang mahalin - ng higit pa sa isang kaibigan..

Ned: Bujoy (apologetic tone)

Bujoy: So ngayong alam mo na, i think you can get out of my life..

(music scoring - Nanghihinayang by Jeremiah)

peace!

| help me choose between SE Z610 or K800i..

pictures from gsmarena

| the nature of my work..

• have to generate audits/evaluations for each CSP on a weekly basis..
• have to give immediate feedback regarding an audited call for each coaching session and monitor progress in agent performance over a period of time..
• have to maintain related logs, reports, & documents – making sure that these are consistently accurate and readily available for reference at any given time..
• have to oversee the auditing & coaching procedures become standard and update these whenever applicable..
• have to update the Quality Board everyday!
• have to do the Minutes of the Calibration and QA Meetings sometimes..
• have to send every team managers the assessment and action plans of each CSPs..
• the only good thing about this job - unlimited breaks!!! wooohooo!!!

- but now i'm getting tired :-(

| happy thoughts..

just finished watchin Queer As Folk Season 5... i know, im a bit too late but just purchased the last season couple of weeks of ago.. i must say im not happy with how it ended.. brian and justin never got married.. as they say, good things never last.. i looove the soundtrack and im dying to have em... planning to hit the stores and check if they have it on their list..

last saturday was our christmas party.. it started boring and then it became more boring and before it ended, i was bored to death.. being a part of the registration team does not mean i cant have fun.. i nearly seated for only an hour and started to mingle with my peeps.. i was wearin a low-profile-plain-collar-shirt-with-matching-cowboy-pants because my sister told me not to show off.. have i known that everybody will wear their best attire ever (as far as i know), i probably pick a more suitable outfit that night.. but that's me, whatever my sister wears, i would complement it.. as what others say, everytime they see us - it's like a walkin manequins.. a pair of manequins.. we left cause we needed to because the temperature's rising - as well as the boredom level.. we decided to check out some clubs in timog and we ended up dancing our hearts out in club industry.. kamusta naman ang techno and trance dance steps kow?? - pero keri lang!!! uber sa saya!!

monday was an okay day.. food day for our account..

tuesday was slumber party (in my bedroom)

wednesday was another slumber party..

thursday - went back on track.. work! work! and more work! geeezz, i have grown to be a company slave.. darn!

happiest thoughts - finally had the chance to meet the person i've been stalkin' (kind of!).. *cheers* he was so nice and kind and generous and sweet? - that i have to discover but i do think he is.. he danced with me.. he called me last night *blushes*.. we talked.. and kissed me goodnight.. i woke him up and now he's off to meet his dad... cool, isn't it?? try this, he'll be out of the country soon.. so much for the happy thoughts..

not quite yet, today is what we have... seize the moment..

for now, i'll take the chance and never have regrets, cause for once, it was what i wanted..

| more than cups of coffee..

claimed my starbucks planner last night at shangri-la.. me and my sis went out of work just to claim the much-so awaited planner that i have been dying to have.. spent 13 moccha frappucinos and 11 toffee nut frappes as well just to have it.. and it's worth the wait and the price!! but it's not the number of cups i have spent that makes it more meaningful rather, it's the number of times me and my sister spent to bond, relax and have fun.. more than anything else, i'd like to thank my sister for sitting with me, sharing stories with me, hearing my grudges and pain and all the miseries i have, laughing with the silliest jokes i crank, making me believe that there will always be someone ready to take the love that i have and that i am her CUTEST brother, bestfriend, soulmate, officemate, partner.. well, my sister is the hottest though.. what a year to end!

fyi, i lost my ID on my way to shang.. fuck!

| one of my fave college pics :-)

| im bringin sexy back :-)

went to Panay Kalipay last Tuesday and then to Giligan's Island and then to Clubbers where we parteeed till we dropped.. i had such a great night with my bestfriend - our first dance together, our first night out and our first hehe.. no eavesdroppin'.. then last Thursday, we painted the town red cause it's ann's 22nd birthday.. we ate at Dencio's and then kicked our asses in MUGEN where this URBAN NATION thingy was so damn fucking hot!!! loved the songs they played, most of them were mine.. i looooveee my friends so much!!!

i am back and here i am playin and flirtin and playin and flirtin, oh did i say playin and flirtin??? maybe im not for the serious relationship at all.. maybe i am here just to fuck up.. and maybe i am better off this way..

one thing is certain though, i am having the greatest time of my life :-)

| and so it ended..

stupid me :-(

| my new hair..

| my baby's blog.. so sweet.. :-)

NOTE: What you’re gonna read might shock or offend you…It will reveal things that only a select few know. But im so tired of pretending. This is me, the real me. I only ask that you understand. That you try to see that what lies beyond all of this… is nothing short of beautiful…. - marco

I was a dreamer once. I dreamt of things far away, of things reachable only by pure emotion… of things symbolic. Of things special. Once, I dreamt of love. And those dreams betrayed me… and betray me hard they did.

They came, you know, like Venus Flytraps, spellbinding, falsely supporting me with Herculean strength, blinding my eyes with promises of forever, whispered kisses that struck my heart like golden arrows… then left me with scars I barely noticed… only evident when it was already too late… like a disease, it had already eaten me up.

They spared me no pity… the horsemen... Save for a select few, they didn’t give a damn about how I felt. They only cared about whether I gave them what they wanted… too late did their motives become clear… it was when my body was badly bruised from unemotional sex, my lips chapped from kisses of lust, evocative of icy chill, and my eyes, dripping with the tears of broken vows…

I could only cry. It was the only thing I could do. And while I was weeping, the whole world went on, that subway of adulterated creation. It was medieval, surreal. I felt as if I was swimming in a pool filled with nothing but confusion, with ripples rivaling that of the ocean… and the worst thing was… I was alone. 3 years. 3 years of flings, dates – guys pretending to be something they’re not… 3 years of playing. 3 years of lies.

Then on, I became a skeptic. I was sure that it was karma – payback for all the hurt I gave to the guys who didn’t meet my standards - the price of playing with emotions. The exchange that fate deemed necessary to make me feel what I made those guys feel when I broke up with them…. And then I realized that I was so unfair…. That I was an ass. And that closed me up… almost entirely.
And although there were still some guys wanting to get together with me, somehow, it didn’t make any sense… my heart had become cold, and it couldn’t let anyone in. Not even for a second of honest flirting…I just went out for fun, moreso, bad fun…all I knew was I can’t get hurt again…

Sigh...it was soooo dark.

THEN you came, Julius. My Julius. And I cried again… but this time, it was tears of joy.
You shone like the sun, and all I felt was warmth. Like that fuzzy feeling you get that everything’s gonna be ok. You melted me. I felt emotions running through me again like a sudden rush of rose petals, floating gracefully in the autumn sun... And in that special place where there’s just you and me, that place where I can hold you in my arms, and whisper sweet nothings, that place where you allowed me to see your heart …then I realized…. You’re the one.

… God’s angel, sent from up above. With wings of silk and lace….enabling me to sleep in your warm embrace… baby, it was all I could have ever wanted. All that I ever needed.

… The dreams started coming again, only this time, it felt real, genuine, like as if all the hurting in the past was worth it…. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like the happiest guy in the whole world.

My heart, my whole heart…I gave to you. It’s yours now. With you, I see a silver streak – a lining of hope, that gives me life… a promise that the other lost parts would grow back. All of it – with your name etched on its surface, lovingly.

You saved my heart… from being broken apart completely.

You told me that you find me perfect… Baby, im not. Im not… But despite my imperfections, I promise to be here for you always…. Always.

And just as the song goes… “I will honor every word that I say… on this day.”

Julius… I love you. I know I’ve said this a lot of times. And I will say it over and over again, without hesitation. You get me like no one ever did. You see into my soul.. You are my angel, the one I’ve been waiting for. The love of my life.

I will love you forever, and with you by my side, I know I can face the world again.

I will proudly walk with you while holding your hand, and kiss you wherever the place will be. Di ako mahihiya.

Light is in your eyes. Love is in your heart. And I can’t believe you’re mine.
AND NOW THE STORY OF MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT YOU.
“My angel in the night, you are the love, the love of my life…”
“You gave me everything when you gave your heart to me…”
Like what you said…”our journey has started and im looking forward to years of unity, respect and a lot of love.” Julius my baby, I will uphold our promises sealed with kisses and a pinky swear.
… Walang iwanan to’

Again, I love you. Take care always…. I will be your prince forever, as you will be mine.

| marco - my sweetie..

It has been 11 long yearning months since the last time I committed myself into a relationship, and here I am again, submitting myself to someone I think deserving of my love and time, someone who’s worth the wait and someone who I must say (cliché) completes me..

It started last week in downe... I received an invitation from him and I immediately replied cause I do like the fact that we had the same hair color – blonde! Come Sunday morning, I received another message from him telling me his digits.. I saved it to my fone and went off to the christening of my goddaughter in Makati.. during the christening till the end, I was rigorously texting him, telling him that I was the guy he added in downe, but I received no reply from him.. having second thoughts of the number I saved to my fone, I checked his message again as I arrived to the office.. and my instincts were right – because I was such in a hurry that morning, I put a wrong fone number in my fone :-) my bad!! But that was okay, I texted him to the right number and then he replied.. and the rest is history!!

But just to give you the highlights of our escapades so far, I had great time talking to him.. I shared everything there is to share to him and answered all his questions without even thinking twice.. and so I decided to meet him up last Friday.. it was my rest day so I have the whole day to spend with him.. we met at Shangri-la around 3pm (and as expected, I was late because of traffic).. he was wearing pink top then, and boy, he was so gorgeous with his shades on.. he was so white and he had this kinky huge eyes.. I could not deny the fact that I got intimidated by his looks but he reassured me that everything’s just fine.. he even kissed me in public.. that was so sweet of him..

We went to a private place here in pasig where he and I can intimately know each other.. that was indeed one of the best days of my life.. nothing but kissin and huggin.. and im so okay with that.. I could not ask for more.. he’s everything I ever wanted.. and the best part of it, I never planned it nor I even asked for him, I mean I haven’t wished for a long time because I know that wishes do not come true… and GOD is so good to me.. he gave me the perfect man I could ever ask for even without asking for him..

And then we had our dinner in Shangri-la, I believe Cravings was the name of the restaurant.. and then we had coffee.. if it weren’t because of safety issues, I would not let him leave me that early.. but my boy lives in Paranaque, and that’s the reason why we had to part ways that early (as for me!) but that was alright.. spending time with him would never be enough.. he captured my heart.. and im so grateful I willingly surrender..

Our journey has started and im looking forward to years of unity, respect and a lot of love..
Let’s hear it for the boy!!

I love you MARCO AJERICO SINDIONG.. my heart, my body and my soul will forever be yours..

| intoxicated, exhausted and sluggish

| surprise..

somebody got promoted...

and that was me..

i was hired as a new Quality Assurance Professional for Capital One :-)

| ginger snaps..

*** taken from the 1st birthday of my goddaughter at the far right - keisha ***

| my 22nd....

Happy Birthday

JAY!!

A lot of thanks to those who greeted me..

Mommy and relatives

Malu from sitel

Ninay from feu

Marlene from feu

Ann from filinvest

Cris from sitel

Missy from feu

Jessie from convergys

Chlaire from feu

Narth from lung center

Ate alpi from sitel

Mommy Joanne from sitel

Xhandz from sitel

Judi from sitel

Patrick from sitel

Cris from feu

Nicole from feu

Kuya alden

Ate aileen

Charm from pup

Richard from sitel

Ecel from feu

Lora from feu

Grays from medical city

Pao from ict

| my brand new video iPOD..

| small momma's birthday

Today is the birthday of my mom.. she turned 62 this day.. as a surprise, a planned a little celebration for her.. I’m like piolo in the selecta commercial minus the wrecked car and the party balloons.. I gave money to my ninang lulu (mom’s sister) to buy ingredients for the food.. and after work, I bought her cake and ice cream.. small celebration but indeed, very much appreciated by my mother.. love you ‘my..

| good news and bad news..

my schedule swap was already approved by workforce and starting on monday, ill be starting my shift from 12am to 9am.. and since there will still be overtime, more probably, ill be staying till xm radio closes which is at 2pm.. ill be missing my team, my friends and a whole lot more!!! and will try to fit in to my new team.. hope they'll like me (well, everbody likes me... i am so likeable... naahhh!!!) also, have learned that i topped the QA stack ranking.. cant belive that.. all eyes were on me because i fill that number 1 position.. it's the first time that really happens after the most number of overtime hours was posted.. but anyways, with that title, it comes with responsibility - the duty to make quality calls and to maintain it as much as possible.. aside from that, we were already informed about the incentives that we'll be getting this coming 28th.. for all the radios that i was able to upsell, i will be getting $375 for those, aside from the incentives for the quality scores, absenteesm, and after call work.. woah!! cant wait for that day.. but with great prices come with great drawbacks - talking about the taxes!!! fu** sh**

| holy wed and maundy thurs..

went to the wake of my lola on wed's eve.. all my relatives were there including my fave cousins.. talked about lots of stuffs including love life.. they were forcing me to share a story but as much i'd love to, i have nothing to share.. instead, what i told them was that i've been doing lots of overtime and they hated me for that.. they noticed that i lost huge amount of weight and that i have a cute blonde hair wehehe.. they've been forcing me to join pinoy big brother (woah!! lots of support from the families of my family).. i actually tried auditioning during the first season of pbb over the phone.. i underwent lots of interviews and we stayed for at least an hour on the phone.. but then the format of screening changed, that they actually required the applicants to audition personally in abs-cbn.. and since i was an intern during that time, i cant possibly audition to pbb for security purposes.. well anyways, now that they've opened another season for teenagers, i was definitely not qualified for the current season anymore (though i look more like a highschool stud hehe).. after the wake, i went to the office to render overtime hours, they were so hesitant to let me go to the office during that time of the day.. but i explained to them that i have made a commitment and i dont want to have records of tardiness or absences.. they accompanied me instead to get a cab... knowing that the whole family was with me before i jumped into the cab, the cab driver for sure can not make any doubtful actions.. and so i got to the office and worked and worked and worked!!!

arrived at home at around three in the afternoon.. and slept for the whole 12 hours.. from 3pm - 3.20am.. felt like i woke up from the grave..

| holy week.. (part 2)

Holy Tuesday - the day started out just fine.. so fine to be exact.. not to mention that i woke up late.. i woke up at 4 am considering my shift is at 4:30 am.. geezz!!! hurried myself and took a shower.. did not eat my breakfast and hailed a cab (which is the last that i would do if only i woke up early - remember my thrift plan!) instead of worrying about my charges for my fair, i was ecstatic when the cab driver asked me, "Sir, where are you going???" - like why on earth was he talking like that??.. i responded to him, "Eastwood lang po!" and then he commented, "Ay bossing kala ko amerikano kayo, tisoy kase kayo eh... kala ko tuloy mauubusan na ako ng English".. and that was so nice to remember.. having someone fooled by me.. someone who has mistakenly identified me as a caucasian.. well anyways, the driver was so verbose and he indeed established rapport during the course of our travel.. props to you Manong! and for that, i gave him a tip.. :-)

later that day, me and best buddy in college (ninay) met up in Espana because we have planned to have our reservation in ERA Review Center for our certification.. i missed her so much.. we summoned at McDonald's P. Campa and bought one of those coke mcfloats.. if only i knew that it will cause me no good (and i mean no good at all - no for spoilers!) i would'nt have bought it in the first place.. after paying for my reservation fees, we went to Robinson's Place.. she was complaining that she was starving and stuff like that so we dined in first in Dulcinea.. ordered one of the healthiest, stuffed meal there - Tornadio a la Sevillana (i think!) and pasta bolognese and bottomless iced teas.. we were so satisfied with the food and were so full when we left there.. and that's where the mcfloat kicked in.. my stomach was so aching and the sudden feeling to unload came up.. we tried sitting on benches to stop the pain and i also tried to drink 2 imodiums to stop it, but guess what, it only aggreviated the pain.. the more i felt to release (whew!).. and so the last resort is to find a comfort room (which i can be comfortable with), but how could i be comfortable in pooing if there are lots of people in that room.. though i have decided to poo in a public cr for the first time and even had my paraphernalia ready, i still could not do it.. we even thought of asking the sales lady in a boutique and have her paid just to let me use their cr, but we didnt think that will work out.. the best last thing that we have resorted - actually, it was my idea, was to find a hotel wherein i can find pleasure for my raging gastroninestinal hormones.. and i actually caught this board saying "SOGO HOTEL"... hmmm... tik-tak-tik-tak-tik-tak... B-I-N-G-O! i immediately told ninay about that and she didnt hesitate at all.. she was more than willing to ease the pain i am suffering.. and so we hailed a cab and asked the driver, "Boss, san ba may malapit na sogo dito??", the driver then replied, "Dyan lang, sakay na!".. and so we jumped into the cab and waited for our destination.. we have no idea that it will be a walk-in type of hotel.. and so we walked through the front doors and immediately asked the receptionist, "Boss, meron ba kayong 1 hour lang??", and he answered back, "Sori, 2 hours yung minimum namin eh.." and so we agreed to that and paid Php 230.00 for the last thing on my mind was to find another motorist hotel who could have let us stay for one hour only.. we hurried to the third floor where our assigned room was and even got lost in a labyrinth-like hallways.. ninay even opened the wrong door and have a sneek at what whoever-they-are-who-were-so-stupid-for-not-locking-their-doors were doing.. that was so hilarious.. and we finally located our nest.. and have my baggages released in the bathroom's throne.. it's a memoir i'll never forget.. that for once in my life, i chose to check in to a hotel because of diarrhea..

after that, arvin (ninay's boyfriend) fetched us and actually scolded us for moving in to a hotel like that.. but that was okay.. im sure he understood why.. and to compensate for the shame and nothing but shame and also for us to bond together after few months, i invited them to panay kalipay - one of the eat-outs in Baywalk Roxas Blvd.. though, we might not have the best band along the boulverad during that night, we enjoyed each other and drink ourselves up.. haha.. we tried ordering some of the cocktails but instead what we got are the mocktails (the hell i know where that word came from!).. we actually thought they were the same, so we ordered three different ones - sherley temple, four seasons and virgin collade, which turned out to be just one of their best sodas, juices and shakes.. yuck!! and so we feast ourselves for San Migueeell Beer Light (as what ninay said) instead.. i missed my friends so much!!

| holy week.. (part 1)

to start the week with - Palm Sunday, came to work early.. rendered rest day overtime to earn more money.. i wanna improve myself.. i wanna work my butt off to avoid an idle mind.. besides, i have nothing to do at home.. so might as well come to work.. the only thing i hate when coming to work is the afterwork.. knowing that i'll be walking under the sun makes me sick.. i hate the sun.. trying to save some pennies nowadays that's why as much as possible, i've been stopping myself to hail a cab.. been thinking hard about the offer of my colleague to swap my schedule to hers.. 12:30am - 9:30am with sat and sun off.. hmm??.. my schedule at the review center will be mwf 1:00pm - 4:00pm.. but i'm also considering the offer of mommy joanne to be with her in Sitel's new account to be located in Boni, Mandaluyong.. it's a financial account and we will be the first batch.. it will actually start in the first week of may.. dunno yet the schedule but if ever the schedule will be in the evenings as well - i might consider more to be relocated in that account.. though i have grown to love XM Satellite Radio.. but i have always been a person of change.. i'm sure i wouldn't regret it if i step out of the box and move out from my comfort zones..

Holy Monday - a shocker!! my other grandma here in my family's compound passed away.. early this year, my grandma died and now my other lola died as well with the same cause of death - aging and pneomonia.. ahh!! i feel sad.. there will be no funeral services from thurs - sundays that's why we need to send her to her grave this coming wednesday, meaning two nights of wake only.. whew!!
went out to metrobank plaza this morning to fill out the graduates info sheet.. i was a metrobank scholar for three and a half years and they've been supportive about my welfare and career growth upto this time.. they were personally offering me to work to their company or if not, to any of their subsidiaries.. and this coming april 21, they want me to come to their career day wherein representatives from different companies would hold job interviews.. pretty nice offer but i dont know if i can come.. but i will try to come though.. and this coming april 22, we will be having a graduates forum.. a whole day event (from 7:30am - 10pm).. i still aint sure if i can come as well because that day is jhen's graduation celebration (one of my bestfriends).. gotta real tough things to decide.. hope i'll make good ones..

to be continued..

| white party..

Team Amihan's

boneyard peeps..

(starting from the upper left)

Dayniel, Sugar, Daddy Vins, Ate Alpi, Jayce, Joshh, Juedi, Vikk, Vickie, Ja, Denz, Rich, and Norlie..

| love quotes..

from kaye,

sometimes we think that feeling something is enough, but we don’t realize that when we don’t take the risks and do something about what we feel, the feeling just goes away and we miss out on what could have been beautiful..

from ninay,

love changes you.. the way you think, the way you act, the way you decide.. sometimes you even go against your principles and beliefs in life.. loving doesn’t always mean you’ll be happy.. sometimes, all it provides you is pain and misery.. yet you are blinded by strong emotions that you fail to see reality.. sometimes, letting go is the only answer and it hurts like hell.. but you will soon realize that it is better if the person you love would be happy to someone else – than lonely with you.. and that’s what you call sacrifice..

from marlene,

people fall in love not knowing why nor how.. it’s a special feeling that doesn’t require much answers.. you just love no matter how stupid you become..

from grays,

don’t let false love fool you, but don’t let real love pass you by.. cause the easy part of life is finding someone to love, and the hard part is finding someone to love you back..

from mommy Joanne,

sometimes you just have to forget the rules, follow your heart and see where it takes you.. never apologize for saying what you feel because it’s like saying sorry for being real.. never regret anything you said or did because at some point, it was what you wanted.. true strength is being able to hold it all together when everyone else is expecting you to fall apart..

from ninay,

it is an enigma when you fall in love and accept that some good things never last and suddenly, you’ll see yourself as nothing, nothing but a loser.. it’s an agony to accept that despite the feelings you have, it is all not enough.. but when you love someone, you’d do the hardest thing.. yes, it’s not going to be easy but at least you know that what you felt is real.. in the end, you’ll ask yourself, “does it hurt?”.. then you’ll close your eyes and whisper, “yes.. but it’s all worthwhile..”

from mj,

Cinderella walked on broken glass.. sleeping beauty let a whole lifetime pass. Belle fell in love with a hideous beast.. Pocahontas risked her life for a feast.. jasmine could have had anyone but instead he chose a poor man.. and ariel walked for the first time on land.. all for love and all for life.. it was all about blood, sweat and tears.. love is all about facing your biggest fears and not letting the moment pass you by..

| gus..

At last the long wait was over, the love of my life – gus has finally proposed his love to me.. I need not say “I love you, too" cause apparently, it was indeed obvious how much I love him.. the whole world knows what I’ve been through to finally succeed in my endeavor of capturing his heart.. the moment I learned that he was letting go of his past, I felt excited that after 7 long months of waiting, I can finally have my turn.. and so I texted him telling him how glad I was about his decision.. I offered him help to forget the past.. GOD knows how long I’ve been waiting for this thing to happen.. I felt elated how things were going and will be going.. we started going out.. we eat out often at Pizza Hut, Yellow Cab, Sbarro, Fazoli’s, Something Fishy, McDonald’s, Sugarhouse, Red Ribbon, Serye, Dencio’s, Cibo, Teriyaki Boy.. we dyed our hair together at Bench Fix and have our hair styled by our favorite stylist – LG.. we shopped our clothes from People R People, Folded n Hung, Human, Nike, and in Ukay-ukay (a thrift store).. we have the same chucks from Shoe Salon – green for him and pink for me.. we have the same teddy bear bought from Bear Hug – his was named Ziggy while mine was named Chucky.. he was there when I bought my ipod video which I’ve been dreading to buy since Christmas.. he was also there when I bought my birthday present for myself – nokia n70.. he would also fetch me after my review classes and would buy me food for merienda – so sweet.. we would even go to his place after my classes to have our bonding moments.. and when Sunday comes, we would go to church together and catch a movie after that.. a lot of things happened and the next thing I know, we were celebrating our 1^st anniversary – my first ever!

Everything seemed perfect at that time.. all my dreams came true and there’s nothing more I can ever ask for.. all I wanted was somebody who could love me and somebody I could die for because of love..

Until I heard my mom knocking at my door and telling me, “anak gising na, kakain na!”.. darn it.. that was just a dream.. and like most of my dreams, this one’s not gonna happen.. it’s never gonna happen.. it wont happen..

If there’s something I’m so good at – it is dreaming..

“hay ang sarap mangarap!”

| new look.. c/o of Bench Fix Libis

check out stripped! for more pics..

| what i've been doing lately..

reading novels: just finished Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code and will be starting his prequel of DVC - Angels and Demons.. not to mention that im trying to fit into my reading time Barbara Bretton's classic romance Maybe This Time and Jennifer Wiener's In Her Shoes..

watching series: American Idol is the top pick.. always been a fan.. ready-ing my pc to download AI5 mp3s.. eyeing for Kelly Pixler and of course, another rock-idol-soon-to-be Chris Daughtry.. also catching The OC's and North Shore's first season.. and my night wouldnt be complete if i havent gaze at the characters of Princess Lulu, My Name is Kim Sam Soon, Enkantadia, Starstruck and PBB.. love 'em all..

cleaning my room: started putting all my stuff toys into their own spot.. placing my jeans and shirts in my closet and fixing my bulky documents and disposing those that need to be disposed.. illuminated my room with enough lights and wiping dirts of my hatred brother's dvds..

sanitation of the soul, the heart and the mind..

| a testimonial for missy..

the sister that I never have.. that’s the exact phrase that would describe her.. I love her so much that I treat her more like a sister.. to give you the exact details on how we met, it started during the orientation here in Sitel.. before sending us home during that night, the hr manager gave us the instructions for our foundation training and with those they included as well the location of our sites.. little did we know that we will be assigned at the same site – hanston building in ortigas.. and so, we felt obliged to be acquainted with each other because we will be spending the next two weeks of training together but we never did.. it was ate maricel who introduced us with each other.. I admit I was so shy at first but I was never plastic (just like what she always tell as her first impression daw to me).. I just don’t feel like conversing that much to a person I hardly knew.. and so we parted ways.. we met again on Monday morning in sitel for the contract signing.. she was with ate maricel and some peeps I cant even remember and I was with pat (one of our common friends, danessa and some other person).. we took off the building at the same time.. the plan was to take two cabs that would fetch us to hanston by fours.. and missy was gazing at me with the sumama-ka-na-samin look on her face but I didn’t.. Im with pat and the rest of the gang beside me.. and so they were the first to get their cab and when it was our turn, I told my peeps that I felt guilty because I let missy alone together with the aged peeps.. she was obviously out of their age bracket and she was definitely in our league.. but let bygones be bygones.. and so we got to our destination clueless.. I misguidedly identified their batch as my batch because they were located in the 8^th floor while my batch was located in the 5^th floor.. and so karma struck me for not attending to her request (by looks) because they were all together while I was left alone with the older peeps hehe.. but that was aight! Can deal with that.. still, we constantly saw each other in the corridors and in the façade where everybody is having their breaks smoking their lungs up.. she was always with this person that I liked seeing so much back then.. she knows who it was.. and that will remain as our secret girl.. and so the foundation training ended and we began product training – still with their corresponding batches.. but during the midpoint assessment, we got merged for political reasons and we were all aware of that.. because they need to merge only the beautiful ones and we should obviously be put together.. lolz..

having been the ones to move to their batch was so hard for me and my batchmates.. we were only like 9 persons collaborated with a 20-person batch.. and so we haven’t had the chance to be together cause we never mingled ourselves with them.. she remained with her peeps and I remained with mine.. and so product training ended and we were off to the on-the-job training.. after that, we were grouped with our respective teams.. I even introduced one of my closest friends to her because they will be teammates.. and so that was it.. the end of our journey..

never in my thoughts occurred that we will become as close as what we are right now.. it was because of enzo that I finally got the chance to be involve with her.. enzo was my teammate and he was one of her peeps.. I just cant remember when we exactly exchanged numbers and even shared our life stories with each other.. it just so happened.. all I know is that we share the same color.. I like pink a lot but she loves pink to death.. to the point that all of her clothing would have a touch of pink.. to her blush on, to her bag, to her top and even to her undergarment.. sometimes, she’ll wear gold but she makes sure that she has gold accessories, gold bag and gold shoes… or even silver with silver bag, silver sandals and silver rings, bracelets and you-know-what-else.. name it and she’ll have it.. lately, she wears purple top (the one that we bought from our latest shopping spree) and to my prediction, she has purple bag as well as purple cap with it.. whew! it takes a true fashionista to have the same color of apparels to wear for the day.. whatever color motif she would prefer for the day, it’s for sure that every piece of clothing she put has to have the touch of that color.. that’s my sister.. terno kung terno hehe..

maybe that’s why we got along so much, I like putting the same color to my outfit as well but not with the same intensity as she is putting to her looks.. mine was kinda subtly but hers was more of a vulgar.. but anyways, we share the same taste of clothes.. we have this pants – the kind of sira-sira - the rugged style that we wore sometimes together with our pink chucks that we bought from the shoe salon together with a pink top that we obviously planned to wear during that day.. it was so cool.. it was our pink panther day (our self-made event that everybody got struck).. we were like the partners in crime forever.. for our next event, we were planning to strut this army pants we spotted here in eastwood.. better watch out for that folks! It will be a militia day in eastwood by the time we walk in the pavements of a crimeless city..

aside from having so much delight with the way we dress together, we also love taking pictures.. to her boyfriend’s dismay, I have lots of pictures than him in her fone.. well, you cant beat a relationship made out of blood (I do not literally mean blood as in consanguinity) but there was an instance that I cut myself and to be a true hero – as a genuine sister of mine – she pulled out a band aid she kept in her wallet for a long time and sealed my small-turning-to-nothing-but-small wound.. hehe.. I would have panicked during that instance but she undoubtedly helped me out.. though it was a very good little deed, it meant something to me.. one of the reasons why I love this girl so much.. she would protect me to the full extent of her capacity..

I remembered her shooing my crush-turned-enemy away when he approached near to us.. she learned that this guy was exposing my text message to everybody bragging that I sent him this message telling him that I love him so much – which was partly true.. I admit I sent that message out of boredom (I was in a review center that time when I sent that dreadful message).. but as a true sister that would protect her brother, she said loudly to this guy “ang kapal ng mukha mo, feeling mo ang gwapo mo! Eeww!!” it was so nice that there’s someone who would protect me even if it was my mistake.. a true consitidora!

But there was a moment where I had the chance to bring back the favor.. I remember the times she was bothered by her ex because of the decision she made.. she broke up with that poor guy in favor of something else.. and we both knew that.. im sorry but I cant tell it here for security purposes.. because she never spoke up with what truly happened with that guy, I was the one who got caught in the middle.. but still, in the end, I stood by her side and supported her all the way though her decision was a little questionable for me – but hey im her brother and nothing would change that even her obvious off decisions.. I would still love her despite of the things she does to her life..

And also, to bring back all the goodness that she made for me.. I let her finish my lunch always.. this girl has a big appetite.. well, most people don’t know about that.. after payday, we would treat each other out.. we would dine out to the most expensive restos in eastwood, try to pamper ourselves a little.. haha.. she is starbuck’s caramel frappe while I am starbuck’s mocha frappe.. we share the same brand of noodles.. YAKISOBA seafood or beef would do.. we would literally sink our rice in noodles we bought from vendo and racing with each other to eat as many as we can because we share the same lunch.. and lastly, we would sit next to each other, have our screens colored pink and would help each other with very difficult phone calls..

One thing I haven’t said to missy yet is that, she's one of the reasons why I love working in sitel.. knowing that I can count on her always makes me believe that I have the greatest treasure life has to offer.. our working relationship would surely not last that long but our friendship would for sure last a fortune.. against all odds, you are my little sister and I am your big brother.. we would praise each other’s looks always and we would save each other’s seat most of the times, but above all that, we know that we’re just here to be with each other and it just so happened that we love each other.. you are the sister that I never have but not anymore, cause you are the sister I’m beginning to share my life with..

i love you sis..

| we've gone upselling..

- aside from activating a radio, answering billing inquiries, and providing technical know-how - we are now upselling XM RADIOs to our customers...

here's the catch, for every radio sold you'll get to have $5-incentive..

and just before lunch break, i was able to close three deals.. yipee!!

| jazz up your day..

trying to make myself content nowadays.. ive been sick these past few days and im struggling for my breath every night because of my asthma.. guess this is an outcome of what i have endured for overworking again and for rendering overtime hours and not having enough sleep.. financially, i love the idea of earning a lot without having that much to do.. the company is just running for production hours and since the call volume is not that much, it makes us idle during login hours - and the good thing about that is we are being paid.. though we really cannot sleep on the floor.. but still, coming to work has been a lot of fun for me.. have my friends here and have countable crushes that really make me want to come to work hehe.. but i know i cant go beyond that.. as much as possible, i am trying to maintain professional relationship with my officemates.. though i have invested a lot for friendship to some but that's a totally different thing.. i mean, i couldnt have stayed long in this company if not for them.. i have mommy lou who shared sentiments with me.. who ive trusted the most and who i can share the most struggling moments i've been having because of work.. not to mention that i dragged her everytime i want to go shopping, smoking and even going to the men's room.. i have my sis - missy, who ive grown to love as my real sister.. she's like a sister that i never have.. my partner in crime.. my superfriend.. my better half.. we share the same color, the same jeans and even the same chucks.. and we're both stubborn.. grrrr!!! i'll be posting our pics later this month.. havent uploaded them yet.. that's it.. peace out!

| ain't too proud to beg..

I know you wanna leave me , but I refuse to let you go.. If I have to beg, plead for your sympathy, I don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me.. Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darling, please don't leave me boy, don't you go.. Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby please don't leave me boy, don't you go.. Now I've heard a crying man is half a man, with no sense of pride butif I have to cry to keep you I don't mind weeping if it'll keep you by my side.. Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darling, please don't leave me boy, don't you go (Don't you go away).. Ain't too proud to plead, baby, baby please don't leave me boy, don't you go..

| my name is julius andrew..

and here are my random rantings..

- i was named after julie andrews, the star of "the sound of music"

- i used to be picked when i was a child and the phrase goes, "jay, jay pak sinapak tulog - paggising sa umaga wala ng betlog"

- i never celebrated father's day.. there's no reason for me to..

- i'm a fan of Liwayway, a local magazine, that unleashed my sexuality and my sexual fantasies..

- i grew up playing jolens together with my cousins.. all of em are boys except me (who hid in the closet for several years)

- never really liked the taste of fresh milk unless if you pour cereals on it.. kokocrunch!

- lived in a spanish antique house for several years cause the real property of our clan was demolished by the jap..

- a nursery valedictorian, a kindergarten honor stud, multi-awarded junior sports journalist, most outstanding cadet, theater artist, cheerdancer, dean's lister, metrobank scholar, leadership awardee..

- unpredictable dumbness overshadowed my achievements..

- i dont go to church that often but i have faith..

- had four ex-girlfriends and wanting to have one again if i can..

- had lots of flings (cant help it!)

- my heart was broken several times but im still whole.. im trying to be for the person who will be willing to love me in the future..

- a coccaine - methamphetamine - grass user..

- bisexual by nature..

- "i wish i know how to quit you... i really wish i know how.."

| change of mind..

suddenly, need the feel to be in a night shift.. wondering why?? cause im damn fucking late these past few days.. so hard to wake up in the morning and the chill of dawn keeps me asleep upto five thirty considering that my shift is at six.. and what is fucking more is getting into the office with no available cubes.. that makes it even sicker.. especialy during wednesdays in which the office was overstaffed.. damn! it's so ard to get an available station during the morning shift.. and after shift, the heat of the sun is unbearable.. ahh.. those are just shallow reasons, i know.. there's a deeper reason why the sudden change of mind.. it's something personal and once havent been resolved, that i would want to open up yet.. for the meantime, im getting my connections pry for some eager soul who would want to trade sched with me..

| family feud

i hate my brother for not respecting my mother and even the members of our family.. he chose to believe his wife and his wicked sister-in-law.. it hurts us all when his wife took away his son (my pamangkin-inaanak) from us considering the love we showed to 'em.. i hate him for shouting at my mom o'er the fone and sending messages to us to stop seeing his child and leaving his family alone.. i dont know what has gotten into my sister-in-law's mind for my brother to react that way.. i dont even know if im in the position to hinder this growing family feud.. but one thing's for sure, i miss jm.. my prayers will aways be with you kiddo..

| take it from me..

a message i sent to the one im greatly indebted for.. gus..

"wala na akong balak maghanap.. papakasaya na lang ako.. life is too short to weep and cry for something that is not meant for us.. we do have a short wonderful life to live.. so, rock on! kiss your worries away.. im glad im back on my feet again.."

"... you dont have to apologize, you've been an inspiration and you've taught me a lot.. the best thing i learned from you is that there is still life after one great love.. that love is not a resting place nor a final destination.. it is something that, once found, should be lived upon and celebrated every single day of our lives.. that is why i am celebrating L.O.V.E. - not the typical romantic feeling, but in general which encompasses every one around me.."

"pain is part of the learning.. bitter sweet as they say.. you couldnt expect me to learn more without hurting me.. wala kang kasalanan.. you simply played a role of a good eye-opener.. very well-played indeed.. andami kong natutunan.. so, stop blaming yourself for my misery before.. it's so yesterday!"

| the irony of valentine..

Valentine’s day is supposedly a celebration of love, of two hearts entwined to each other, and of two souls who found peace with each other.. guess that’s not what it meant for me.. never in my wildest dreams did i think that during this day, my first valentine having someone to finally shared it with (emotionally) for the past twenty one years of my life, will I feel such enormous pain and seclusion.. it was excruciating and throbbing having been dumped during the day i thought would turn out to be perfect having been qualified to finally rejoice the day of St. Valentine because of the status I carried (not being single at that point).. but I became conscious that the status “taken” only made me more liable to endure more twinge especially during the day which should be celebrated by loving couples – and only by loving partners!! and my partner for sure could not take the guilt of not feeling the same way i felt towards him that’s why he chose to unload me in his baggage.. i do feel for him, i know there’s no easy way to break someone else’s heart but you just have to do it.. and maybe he was thinking, “what’s the point of celebrating anyway?? I don’t feel something – that thing (love) – that I should to be on my feet and party during this day.. and in the shortest sense - I don’t love you anymore..” hard to swallow, tough to get through, and just one hell of mind-breaking, soul-freaking, suck-it-hard line that nobody would want to hear during the most celebrated day of lovers like us, or if we were such in that category.. and learning that from him, i started questioning what went wrong.. you would never want to know his reason why.. cause it’s a simple “it’s not with you, it’s with me..”

| let's celebrate L.O.V.E.

still in the process of contemplating my thoughts ...

| shift bid..

shift bid - def. to bid/propose for a shift that you want according to your lifestyle for the next quarter of the year and in accordance to that, you must be able to place on the top ranking of the company's top performers to get more options..

luckily, out of more or less 300 agents that XM Radio has in Sitel i was able to rank 12th on the stack ranking of the company.. that gives me the prospect to bid for a morning shift.. i want a day job, though i really wanna be in the night shift cause of the night differential.. but hey, i want my bodyclock to be normal cause i'd like to gain weight and redeem my strength.. i lost a couple of pounds during the last OT race.. and im preparing myself again cause ive heard rumors that there will be a new race this coming summer and i would really like to prepare for that.. i want to win again *chuckles*.. i maybe a workaholic cause i dont want to be idle and during my offs, i would miss my station and the urge to speak with americans.. the passion to really help people out is still in my blood and though, my mom really disagrees about the knd of job that i have i dont give a damn.. im happy with it and so far im liking it more.. so for the next three months, ill be working my ass out from tuesday to saturdays six ey-em to three pee-em :-)

| pasiyam..

It was over.. Our mournings and long days of praying for my grandma's soul have finally come to its peak.. The other day, we celebrated the Pasiyam of my lola.. Pasiyam is actually a Filipino tradition offered to a dead relative. It is done on the ninth day after the death of a person. During "Pasiyam", the people join in prayer for the repose of the soul of the departed. Foods are also served for the people who join the bereaved family. We do have feast of delicacies from pastas to chicken to filipino dishes and to sweet delights.. During the interment of my lola, i was the one who read the readings from the BIBLE as well as the responsorial psalm and prayer for her soul.. Before the mass ended, the priest asked who would like to speak in the family's behalf for the final words.. None of us agreed cause we really cant bear the pain during that time and so let me tell here what i couldve told everybody during that moment, "i'd like to thank all of those people who graced their presence during one of the toughest times in our lives (me and my family), those who shared their prayers and sympathy to my wonderful lola who has been the greatest among her generations.. it was indeed, through your support and love, that we found strength to withstand the loneliness that was killing us.. rest assured that all the efforts that you guys made were well-appreciated and welcomed by the whole family.." Thank you to the ones who showed love during my distress...

| and so grandma passed away..

yesterday morning, i heard my grandma grasping for breath.. so loud that even i am inside the shower room i can still hear her breathing so hard.. i told my mom about that.. she said yeah she knew it.. and told me to worry no more cause she'll be having her weekly check up that morning.. so before i leave yesterday, i looked at her and told her you're gonna be okay grandma.. and so i went to work.. from there, i learned that i was about to get the prize of my overtime hours on the next payday which was on the 28th of the month.. told myself, isnt it too late because i even promised my mom that as soon as get the pot money im gonna buy medicines for my sick grandma.. and so that was okay.. what can i do?? but to wait -- and so i went home after work, starving and sleepy.. as i entered the door, no one seems to answer my call.. hmm.. pretty odd cause normally when i got home i would see my mom preparing my food already but nobody was there.. and so i asked my relatives in the compound for the whereabouts of my mom.. they told me the shocking news that grandma already passed away.. well, that explains the reason why her bedsheets were already folded and kept.. i dunno what to say then.. the idea of losing her didnt sink into me that instantly.. i thought she was still having this operation and im praying she'll make it through.. she was diagnosed of pneumonia (not just the ordinary one!!) i really dont know the exact name of it - my bad!! and then i called my bestfriends, my close friends.. breaking them the news i found out was the hardest thing to do - much more when i did it to my brother who was at overseas.. i cant find the exact words to say but, "wala na si lola.. iniwan niya na tayo!!".. the only regret i have inside is the fact that i wasnt able to help her out when i had the chance to.. i even told my mom that im going to buy her medicines once i received the prize for my award.. one of the reasons why i joined the OT race in our company is to help her out.. but i guess that was too late.. even before i had the chance to do that for her, she already left us.. i remembered my aunt and mom crying so hard when they arrived home.. stuttering, my mom told us how the operation went through.. the doctors were trying to get blood from her body but the syringe could not get in to any of her veins.. they have been doing that for two hours and luckily, a vein was spotted wherein they could get a blood sample from her.. and then the x-ray was done.. she was about to be transferred to the 4th floor of the hospital for the next operation, she was at ER in the first floor prior to that... and when they went, the doctors were so pleased to see my grandma.. they were checking her condition until the doctor said "oh, bakit wala ng pulse si lola!!" and then the nurses rushed in and immediately did everything to revive her.. my mom who was the only who witnessed that was so shocked and didnt know what to do.. she didnt know whom to turn to or seek for help.. she didnt bring her fone with her.. and so, the doctors were trying to open her mouth to put the tube that was supposed for oxygen breathing but grandma doesnt want to open it anymore.. it's a silent way of saying she gave up.. she had lots of suffering already and maybe, that was her time to go away.. my other aunt who was at the pharmacy back then went up to the 4th floor to see my grandma's condition.. as she was going up, she noticed some butterflies approacing her way.. minding about the condition of my lola, she didnt pay attention to the insects.. little did she know that maybe, that was my grandma's soul.. i really miss my grandma so much.. it's the first time that we lost an immediate family member and it was so hard that i cant even imagine.. harder than i felt whenever i see someone dying in the movies.. the last time i told my grandma that i love her was maybe 3 days before she left.. if only i knew that she'll be passing away yesterday, i couldve told her many i love yous then.. i was a lola's boy and forever will be.. the values that she shared to me will be forever be in my heart and i will keep her in my heart as long as i can.. i love you lola.. i just cant believe you passed away.. ill be missing you..

| DSL mode..

finally, after a long argument and persuasion between me and my family members, they gave in to let me and my cousin sign up for a dsl service through pldt.. at last, long hours of dial up are now over and i can have the unlimited hours of downloading my fave mp3s and videos (porn hehe!!).. new year, new air to breathe.. though havent that much luck for love, ive got nothing to worry with my friends around.. earlier today, four of my college kadas contacted me to help em get in to my company.. without batting an eyelash, i immediately made myself accountable for their entrance.. id do anything to help em get in.. good thing i've known someone from the hr.. maybe i could fix some one night stand in favor of their hiring.. just kidding.. but if that's what it'll take to help my friends get in, why not??? i mean, i could do everything for my loved ones, what difference does it make if id do somethig outrageous like that for my friends?? im keeping my fingers crossed, planning ahead of the things we'll be doing when they get hired and lots of fun and laughters we'll be sharing on the floor.. im so excited for that matter.. my adrenalins are rushing up aside from the fact that i had a straight 20-hour sleep.. geez, im so ready for the year ahead - for all the challenges and memories im going to make..

year 2006 will just like be a dsl mode for me - unlimited services at 100MBPS..

| Thank You For Your Love by DIMSUM

My life was a constant uphill climb Never got it right Each one I loved went through a change of heart You came and my world turned upside down You sung a different tune Can't let go It keeps playing on my mind Now there's a reason to wake up each day A reason to shake my blues away Now I am whole, a lucky soul I wanna thank you for your love Thank you Thank you for your love Confused My heart was in a daze Learn to live with pain I loved too haste then watch it go to waste You came and brought music to my soul Inspired me to the very core You touched me well No one has been before * Now there's a reson to wake up each day I thank the Lord for sending you my way Now I am whole, a lucky soul I wanna thank you for your love Thank you Thank you for your love I saw the world in shades of black and gray, yey Turning blue with every passing day Just when I thought that maybe all was lost My life took on a new turn And it's all because It's because (repeat *) Now looking back All the pain No more dark clouds

| the bad memories i wanna forget..

1st, the misunderstandings that i have with my friends.. though they were very petty, we made emsuch a big deal that's why the issue got so packed up but id like to keep em all away cause no matter how bad you've been through those days that you misunderstood each other, nothing can compare for the friendship we vested upon each other..

2nd, the affair that did not push through.. maybe, there is really this thing that we call one great love which will come into our life.. too bad, mine had gone away.. it might never come back or it was really never meant for me.. i dont know.. ive been hurting, and with the new year ahead - i really want to give myself a chance to be happy.. no more drama please..

3rd, the coma of my grandma.. i dunno what to feel, got really upset for what happened to her.. she is bedridden and incapable to speak with and recognize us.. ahh!! it was really hard to see her that way.. she used to be alive and so talkative but now she's not.. i miss my lola!!

| carved on the stone..

year 2005 was one of the awesome years of my life.. maybe because of the different things that happened during this year - the good ones and the bad ones which made me become a better person or is it not??!!
oh well, to give you the highlights of the things that transpired throughout the whole year, here it goes..
first quarter of the year - i got hired in abs-cbn as one of the on-the-job trainees.. the time ive been in the company was incomparable.. i got to meet a lot of my idols in person as well as to be a part of my dream company.. i've always wanted to be an entertainer - in the sense that i bring joy to everybody else and though that is not my job description, somehow it felt good to be surrounded by people who have the same passion as mine..
second quarter of the year - got so hooked up with the project study.. got involved so much with my friends and God - i miss em so much.. i've had lots of friends and im so proud to tell that my bonding with my groupmates evolved from scratch to gold.. it was already given to have lots of misunderstandings but that's the whole point that made the friendship grew deeper..
third quarter of the year - busy days!! school stuff was really a pain in the ass.. you could never imagine how tough it was to graduate and earn a degree.. the final test of being a stud - the thesis that made our lives in the edge of breaking down.. im so proud of what we have achieved.. our thesis made it through brunei and even posted in some website for one week.. but of course, thanks to abs-cbn who has been our partner in making the thesis such a huge success.. in excess, love bloomed in the air during this time.. too bad, it was like a smoke that was taken by the wind instantly..
fourth quarter of the year - got my first job ever.. the process of acquiring such was so hard that i almost gave up.. because of the spirit and because of the good intent of having a job, i was able to get in to one of the companies that opened such great oppurtunity for me.. and now im doing what it takes to keep this job and to continually improve myself.. though it's not my profession, but i am happy with what im doing so far..

2005 - a year that laid lots of oppurtunities to my life.. a year that made me realize the purpose of my life.. and a year that wil trademark some of the achievements i have in life.. goodbye two o' five..

| happy birthday kaye!!

kaye's 19th birthday.. oh i miss this girl so much.. been with her since start of the foundation training.. found her to be the snobbish type.. but i thought wrong.. she was one of the sweetest kinds i've ever known so far.. we had something in common - our eyes and our cheeks.. way to go chinovela prince and princess!! too bad we're not scheduled for the same shift.. though we havent seen each other that much and we havent chitchatted much, i know that what we started will still continue to grow.. kaye, you're the greatest emblem of a teenage mother.. continue inspiringyour kinds.. i've been such a fan of your courage and strength ever since so do not change.. hope your problems will fly away as you reach your dream.. i will forever love you just the way you are!! happy birthday!!

| NEW YEAR!!

thank god, ot days are soon to come over.. ill be having a total of 159 hours of OT from december 9 - january 1.. im vying to get the grand prize for the most number of OT hours and to get Php 10,000 in cash.. still crossing my fingers for it bwahaha.. well, all the efforts will be paid of soon.. need to have my unsolicited vacation this coming january.. it's time to give myself a new life for a new year to come ahead.. il be posting my wonderful memories for the year 2005 on my next blog..

| OT.. OT.. OT..

If the only way to forget somebody is to keep myself busy then I wouldn’t mind working my ass of every minute.. I booked myself in our OT forms and made my regular working hours to 15 hours a day up to the 9th of next month including my rest days and holidays.. I don’t give a damn what other people might say.. but I just want to work as hard as I can.. I don’t want to get idle and then start lingering the past, which was so not good for me anymore.. I’ve been in the rocky road for the longest time and it’s so high time for me to get it over with.. good thing I have my centrum everyday..

| MUST HAVEs mp3s..

1. fall out boy - dance dance
2. mariah carey - makin' it last all night
3. gwen stefani - luxurious
4. chris brown - run it
5. d4l - laffy taffy
6. bep f/ lil jon - my humps (remix)
7. craig david - dont love you no more
8. hale - kung wala ka
9. juana - goodbye
10. bamboo - much has been said
11. backstreet boys - i still
12. pharell williams f/ gwen - can i have it like that
13. eric benet - the last time
14. madhouse - the prayer
15. interactive - forever young
16. safri duo - played a-live
17. jay-r and iya - almost paradise
18. jay-r - just the way you are
19. sugarfree - makitang muli
20. darude - sandstorm

| my prerogative..

STICKWITU by The Pussycat Dolls

I don't want to go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
Throwing their love away
I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)

** Nobody's going to love me better
I'm going to stick with you Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I'm going to stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I'm going to stick with you My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'm going to stick with you

I don't want to go another
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
See the way we rideIn our privated lives
Ain't nobody getting in between
I want you to know that you're the only one for me
And I say

** Repeat

And now I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me
I got you We'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you Baby, you're with me

So don't you worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts

So don't you worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you and you know me
And that's why I say

** Reapat till fade

| harpo thoughts..

i've always been a fan of the Oprah show since i was in highschool.. i must say that she's one of my influences of becoming my true self and finiding my real identity.. last night as i watched her interview with uma thurman (with the issue of eher breaking up the marriage with her husband ethan hawke), something struck me the most.. when she was asking UT if she forgave EH already, she cant answer for a little bit and then oprah suddenly shared her therapeutical message about that question.. she told UT that for you to be able to forgive him, you must be able to give up the hope of continuing the past.. you know, giving up the IF ONLYs and WOULD'VE BEENs would be very helpful to forgive him and then accept him again as a new person entering your life.. that was so powerful, hope i could do that.. but as oprah said, it would take time.. and before you knew it, everything was already fine..

another thing that hit me the most was the line of goldie hawn when she was interviewed by oprah.. i was watching the episode earlier this morning, and it was about the after-show talks which tv audience were not able to catch when they watch at primetime.. only the studio audience was able to witness the hilarious moments they had with the hollywood stars after the show.. well anyways, it was with her interview (after the show) with goldie and susan sarandon when one of the audience suddenly claimed that they were sitting in front of three amazing, successful women (GH, SS and O!) and she just noticed that none of them was married and asked em what's their key to their success and when are they planning to get married.. oprah answered first telling the audience, "if someone asks me that question, i tell them to phone goldie and ask her first when she will be getting married cause obviously she has to be the first between us to get married" (audience laughing).. then goldie answered, "you know what i dont need nobody to make me whole, because if someone completes you - you're in trouble honey.. nobody completes you but you!!" beautiful!! such an eye opener.. thanks goldie and thanks to the oprah show for letting me ponder those thoughts..

another thing - Cher's imaginative theory about perfumes (also been discussed after the show).. she wears chocolate vanilla perfumes cause she believes that if you smell like food, men wouldnt forget you.. lolz..

| 1st-time glitches..

earlier this day, i got my first call.. and lucky me (sarcastic) for having an irate caller for the first time.. it was this old lady trying to trace where her refund went.. and since she has these lots of credit cards in her account history, i dont know where to look from.. i raised my hand trying to escalate my call to the first available team leader there is.. and one even helped me out.. unfortunately, he wasnt able to locate the refund as well.. and so we called to the next higher person around.. her name is aimee and she's an American.. she tried looking it from the system that we dont have access yet.. and when she found it, the caller told me to give her just a call back.. i was about to tell her where her refund certainly went when she hung up on me.. bummer!! but it was alright.. 1st call – the first shitty call ever hehe!!

but the rest of the calls I had was totally fine.. I mean after that shitty call I have, I had composed myself and tried to be as cheerful as I can be to the callers I have.. lucky me because most of them were so nice to me and very obedient of what I had to say.. though there were some mistakes that I did, well im sure that it was well-compensated by the kind of service I give to them.. surely, I treated them the way I wanted to be treated as well.. another day passed and another day will come with more calls to handle..

| a text to tell..

during one of my sleepless nights, i texted my beloved telling him this..

"I remember the day that we met.. It was at dawn back then.. i was just wearing fliflops on my feet and you approached me and welcomed me with the greatest smile i have ever seen.. Then you took me home.. a home to your heart.. Then, when im about to leave, i knew that i'll not be taking my heart with me anymore.. I was touched when you told me that, "itong mukhang ito, hindi ka pababayaan nito.." from that point, i knew that i was being taken care of.. I knew that i was in good hands.. And you proved me right.. You showed sincerity to your actions and i was happy with that.. More than happy to be exact.. You were actually the only person who did things like that for me.. I was thankful.. But when you flew for Palawan, it seemed that you dont wanna come back anymore.. Much more when you left for the States.. I cant blame you for that.. People change as well as their feelings and thoughts.. But guess what, my love has always been there for you.. It never changed.. Still trying to check on you through your blogs - well, that's the most i can do at that time.. And now you're back, and obviously trying to get rid of me.. MASAKIT!! guess i have to forget you again for another attempt.. Hope this will be the last cause people do get tired.. Not because there's no love anymore, but because of a realization that what i have for you - no matter how try to offer it to you, you will never accept it cause you were too afraid to give it a try.. Goodbye ***! Best of luck.. My heart will always remember a person like you.."

And then he replied,

"Ey, im not trying to get rid of you.. I've been honest with you.. i cant give something i dont have.. i dont wanna be unfair to you.. I still love my ex.. Ayokong in the end you'd feel like i cheated you.. I do like you, you know that.. But i cant give you what you need.. Besides, i wont be staying in Manila always.. We can be friends though.. Im sorry mah beh, but i dont wanna lie to you or cheat you of something that you deserve.. You deserve someone who would love you as much as you love 'em.."

Im hurting.. i am because im desperately in love with the person.. fate must've gotten her hands on me again.. maybe i dont deserve to have him or the other way around.. but either way - the hell i care.. even if we dont deserve each other, what matters most is that i love the person.. nothing can change that.. even fate can not..

| a tribute to dance..

Madonna's Hung Up

Time goes by so slowly 6x

*** Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up I'm hunging up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up I'm tired of waiting on you

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught upI don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly 3x
I don't know what to do

*** 2x

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm doneI'm hanging up on you
I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me'cause I
'll find my way you'll wake up one day but it'll be too late

*** till fade..

| nesting..

Tonight will be the start of our nesting period – which lasts for a week.. and tonight, ill be taking calls for the first time.. hope to do so well.. but it’ll be alright if I don’t do good.. what’s good about our job is that there’s always room for improvement.. the trainers including our team leaders make sure that we will do good on the floor.. they were very supportive and very handy at times.. always willing to answer our queries and always willing to explain things that were hard to grasp.. hope to be one of them someday, cause I would really like to share what I have learned from them as well..

| utopia..

As wikipedia defines, utopia, in its most common and general positive meaning, refers to the human efforts to create a better society - a perfect society that does not exist... knowing that, I can say that im a utopian.. always looking forward to live a perfect life where everything I wanna have will be given to me and everything that I want in my life will happen.. cliché as it may sound, but we can never get all the things we want in life.. no matter how we try it, we can never have them all.. somehow, in our journey, there’s always this something that lacks in our life.. something that makes us want to have more.. maybe that’s why humans are insatiable.. because they can never have all the things they want whenever they want it.. sometimes even the person we want to share our life with can never be ours.. it’s just so sad to think that when you know that he’s the one for you, something you were not prepared for came up.. and that’s even more hard to accept because of that something.. though being a utopian is not a good idea cause life will never be the way you want it or even more be perfect for your taste, but I will keep on dreaming that someday, it will be.. cause if there’s something that they cant take away from me, it will be my freewill… my freedom to dream and to do whatever it takes to reach that dream..

| win some, lose some..

Last Monday night, a twist of faith happened.. the results of our midpoint assessment were already told and shockingly, only minority of the class passed (including me).. to make it even more heartbreaking, most of the persons that I grew close to for the past month did not make it.. waahh!! It was really tough for all of us thinking that we have already built rapport with each other and that we really got so close.. it was like a one big happy family being teardown.. though some almost make it, which gave them another chance to pull it through for another week.. but some were being moved to different accounts and worse, some even had to go from the top again.. ahh.. life can be oh so cruel at times.. but that’s why it is unpredictable.. you can never tell what’ll happen next.. to all my friends who have grown so deeply in my heart, I will never forget you guys.. I will always be the ever helpful, cheerful, small ja that you once knew.. see you around!!

| a trip down to memory lane

Last last Saturday was the moment of truth, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.. at last, the long wait was over.. it was the day we finished college – it’s our Graduation Day!!! Oh well, just like one of the ordinary days I’ve been through.. the excitement – it was all spoiled out because of the long wait (literally) after our final exams.. it could’ve been more surreal if they scheduled it just a few weeks after our exams.. but they did not.. they scheduled it almost two months after our finals which was not that good and not that as exciting anymore.. nevertheless, I managed to enjoy the event in amidst of these thoughts..

We were told to dress in a corporate attire – but does it mean that if we’re not properly dressed we’ll not be able to march… nah.. of course we can wear whatever we want.. anyways, it’s our graduation.. there’s no stopping us from climbing the stage and taking in our final bow.. even the way we dressed at that time..

We arrived to the venue (guess what?? it was held at feu auditorium which is just in front of our building..) ahead of time.. and you know, the normal stuff – picture picture.. yeah!! we took a lot of pictures.. I might not be able to upload it all here.. sowee.. and then we were told to fall in line and wear our togas.. ahhhh..

And when our name was called, geez!! super sarap ng feeling.. and then we have our baccalaureate mass which I took part as the second reader.. ahihi.. and then after that is the graduation proper.. they told us that special awards will be given for outstanding students and for those who showed leadership skills… it was kinda surprise cause they didn’t announce the recipients of such awards prior to that day – and so I was called hehe to receive one of them.. and so as my fellow colleagues who showed exemplary leadership skills and service to the students.. congratulations to all of us..

And then the commencement speaker uttered his incredibly long speech.. oh boy!! It bored me to death.. as in I was literally putting my head to the back rest and yawned a LOT of times.. too bad, my fone was not with me then so we're not able to take pictures just to kill time.. but eventually, the speech ended!!

After that, we formed at the side of the stage to be called one by one to receive our diplomas… Yipee!! I was thinking then how I started myself in feu.. I was previously enrolled to the other school before getting myself in feu.. and then, I had no idea that I’ll be having a trimestral basis then and no idea that I’ll be part of the pioneer batch.. the subjects were difficult.. I hated calculus the most though I really love math.. and electronics as well.. communications subjects are my kind of subjects.. I excel there more than in elex subjs… then we had terror professors who put our lives to the test.. but then we really have nice ones who became our friends.. and the projects were annoying and the deadlines were even more annoying.. a lot of pressure to deal with.. much more when thesis came.. we had more sleepovers than ever.. more bickering and fighting.. ahh!! Those were the days ill be missing for sure when I get out of school.. in amidst of all thos thoughts running through my head, my name was called.. tears were peeping through my eyes while receiving the diploma, having my final bow with all smiles, shaking hands with my professors and kissing our very loving department head… ohh that was really a heart-felt moment..

And of course, what could be more emotionally disturbing than bidding goodbyes to your friends who have become and will always be a part of your life.. as well as thanking your parents and congratulating them for a job well done.. that for me, though seemed ordinary day, was the day I will never forget..

CONGRATULATIONS FELLOW

Graduates!!

| bewilderment of the heart

lately, I have been (emotionally??) involved with a girl that I am working with.. it all started after the night we went out.. some things happened during that night that I need not to elaborate.. let’s just say that we quite had a good time with each other.. and so we texted over the weekends and shared thoughts about ourselves.. I was totally awed by what she has just revealed.. though I don’t wanna brag about it, she said that, “I like you..”.. I don’t know where that came from or what gave her the reason to feel such thing towards me.. I mean everybody knows in our workplace what my sexual preference is and that what I was showing off my bisexual side.. (but not totally out!! and mind you, I do not cross dress – though I have nothing against it, I just don’t like the idea of wearing opposite sex’s garments.. I have been an open book to everybody for the longest time and I like it to be that way for the rest of my life.. that’s one way I think of being honest to one’s self..) and so I didn’t know what to say to her after learning what was on her mind.. honestly, I feel elated by the fact that she has this feeling for me but I don’t wanna use that to take advantage of the situation.. I mean I don’t wanna commit myself to someone just because she likes me.. it’s more like of an inner evaluation and a lot of consideration to finally get into a relationship (oh! now I’m growing up!!).. and there are factors that complicate things which I prefer not to discuss for her privacy.. but right now, I am enjoying her company and who knows, this might be the start of something different.. what thrilled me the most with her leak was that she accepts me for who I am.. and that I think what matters most.. it’s seldom that I encounter a person like her.. I shared this story with my well-trusted hommies and they told me just to hold on to my thoughts and do not rush things.. think it over and just have a great time with her.. but then one friend asked me, “what about *** ?”.. and then that’s where the confusion starts.. what if he comes back (though there are least possibility for such thing to happen).. but then, just a moment ago.. I’ve learned that he’s back in the country.. somehow, I was/am still hoping for him to reach me.. but that’s okay.. I understand that his life is entirely way out of mine.. so the question now is, "should I go to the first available person there is or should I stick to the one who holds my heart for the past two months??"

well, my answer is – I do not know!!

| my purpose..

Yesterday, during our second day of advanced training… the instructor (new!) asked me of what would be my purpose in life.. thinking that I should not focus in my dreams only but for the general aspect why I am living my life – I told her, “that I want to contribute to humanity by sharing God’s given skills and knowledge that I have”.. and that was okay.. but then, my co-trainees said their speeches and they got so emotional.. that they concentrated more on what they think should be the sole reason why they want to work.. some answered about family stuff and some answered about achieving personal desire.. and so all were touched by their stories even if they are told in just a single line… before the instructor ended such a brainier activity, I told her if I can change my purpose and be specific of what I really want in life… and so she let me proceed with my spill – and I told everybody that, “I want to succeed in life and so I can prove to my dad that I can do better without him..” and everybody sympathized me.. because as of that moment, that was what I want to do with my life.. to equip myself with every knowledge that I can acquire before the moment we face each other.. to somehow let him realize that even if he’s not here to guide nor support me if not love me, well, it doesn’t matter cause im doing good without his presence.. and then that was over.. as we waited for our own phone simulations, I got the chance to talk to two of my co-trainees (my turned-out-to-be-counselors).. it was just a how-are-you question and more like of a harutan at first.. I cant really recall how did it start but I suddenly found myself answering the question of Jane if what I have said earlier was really my purpose in life.. and so Audrey and her started lecturing me about the right motivation that should be taking to reach the right direction in life not the one that leads to bitterness and anger that I have just shown and told.. I was blown away by Jane’s question and it went like this, “Ja, what are you going to do after you have met your father and finally proved to him that you can do better (survive) without him???” and then I contemplated things and told myself, “Oo nga noh!”.. what will be my next driving force.. is that it?? Is that the end of it?? And then they started talking about their lives and how they have overcome if not the same but greater intensity of bitterness they have as well before.. their stories were really inspiring and then I told myself that if these two can do it, well, I can as well.. I mean finally letting go of the negative things they have in their lives.. maybe, that’s why the result of my psychological test showed that I am a melancholic person.. it’s because I dwell too much on the negative things rather than the positive.. that though im trying hard to cover it up by cranking jokes all the time, making it a habit to make other people laugh and entertaining as many people as I can – still, there’s something that holds me for me not to feel the same way I let other people want to feel – and that is to be happy and fulfilled.. I have completely forgotten about myself and the people that love me the most – my family.. that I should be grateful despite the fact that the other half of me is missing (cause of my father’s identity) but I realized from the sort-of-a-therapy that I have gone with my two counselors that I can get that other half of identity to my family, friends and to the people who love me.. I have focused myself in looking forward to the day me and my father will meet, and so I have overlooked that my mom is here with me – that I should thank her instead for she was able to bring us all up by herself.. (love you mommy!).. and so I promise myself to let go of the bad things I have in my heart.. it’ll not happen overnight but im sure that eventually, I will be able to gather the lost pieces of myself.. and for the third time, “Can I change my purpose??” – my purpose now is to do whatever it takes to bring comfort to my mom and my family so long as I live..

*a special thanks to Audrey and Jane for making me ponder these thoughts..

| melancholic..

Just this morning I was able to view the results of the psychological test I took months ago as a requirement for our graduation.. the guidance counselor was so pleased to inform me that I really have nice results.. she first showed me the results of the aptitude test which I got superior in all of the areas especially in numerical, blah-blah (forgot to retain in my memory the other tests).. then for the personality test, I also got superior in most of the areas which definitely showed what I am made of.. I got excellent in creativity and other blah-blahs.. (sorry again..) and then for the IQ test, well, I kinda sucked hehe.. (but at least im still in the above average bracket – though not that high scores compared to others!!) but the counselor told me that was okay.. she told me that I have the skills (competent skills) and all I need to do is to work on it cause knowledge will not be stagnant unless you give effort to improve yourself.. so for that part, there is always room for improvement and development.. the last part of the results struck me that much… she told me that as an over-all personality and aptitude assessment – I am a melancholic.. which means I am a person who tends to be gloomy or depressed at times.. maybe because I was/am too sensitive of the way others think of me, or even always seeking for their approval for what I did.. it’s quite true.. I mean it’s totally true in the sense that I tend to be introvert for some time.. always assessing myself if I have done the right thing or not, and even have a propensity to feel inferior in front of others.. maybe because I am a shy person – or am I not?? Waahh!! Maybe I need to take another psychological test again cause im fu**ing confused wehehe.. but if there’s one thing I am not confused of – it would probably be my sexual preference.. okay.. this blog is a total mess.. my bad!!

| thank you for calling SITEL!! this is jay, how may I help you??

view http://buliut-stripped.blogspot.com or just click STRIPPED! on my other blogs for more pictures!

We just finished our foundation training in SITEL and I had a blast!! That was I think the best training experience I’ve had.. not to mention the best (handsomest and sexiest) instructor I’ve ever met.. and the good thing about that was we have the same name.. oh well..

To start with.. we started our training at the first day of last week.. we had our training in ortigas which is near to my place so just an FX ride will do.. the building is located in emerald avenue (currently F. Ortigas Rd) in front of Raffles Building.. our building is like the oldest building in the entire avenue.. bwahaha!! During our first day, but of course I was too shy to befriend most of them.. the people I bonded with during the orientation were assigned to different training venue that’s why I got scared knowing them.. but I did manage to survive.. of course, with my natural charm (naks!) and with my smile, I was able to gain their trust and befriend them all.. I mean I made it a point to know all of them.. have a chitchat with them often and showed who I really am.. I don’t want them to judge me nor misinterpret what I was saying or doing so I told them right away about my sexual preference.. and fortunately, most of them did not turn their backs at me.. they accepted me for who I am..

As days passed by, we got close to each other.. especially with mommy lou, gem and trunk.. we were like the fantastic four of sitel… hmm… I wonder which character would I be.. mommy lou (half-blimp who is so conscious about what she looks like in the pictures) is the bestfriend of my current chatmate/textmate who happened to be the acquaintance of gus.. what a small world, indeed!! (im sorry mom, but I don’t think I’m the type of guy your bestfriend would want to be with).. anyways, trunk is the alter ego of rico barrera of pinoy big brother.. he is like the bisexual version of rico.. he also has this superb abs and pulled-up hair.. not to mention the black glasses he has as well… and then gem is like the innocent/tame version of joyce jimenez.. indeed, every angle of her ensembles jj.. but she is the sweetest and richest gal in SITEL wahaha..

The rest of the group was super okay!! They have their own stories and own reasons why they were engaged in this kind of work.. their narratives were overwhelming because they depict the reality of life.. and somehow, I got connected to some and to the rest, I sympathized them.. I just don’t know what to say when I hear their stories.. they were heart-felt and madrama talaga!

Then yesterday was the last day of our foundation training and all of us passed… Kudos to XM Radio Pioneer Agents wehehe.. we are now heading to the next level which is the Product Specific Training.. then hopefully we all get certified.. I mean we bonded na talaga eh and I wouldn’t want to lose any of them.. they were so good to me.. last night, we went out to Oodie’s.. we had some beers there (following the pizza treat the company gave us) and some singing sessions.. whew!! my vocal chords were kinda worn out but I handled to pull it off wahaha.. thanks to my singing buddies – jarla, kaye, mischelle, trunk, ian (and her band – geko!) surely, we deserve that night after a week and a half of strenuous training.. I’m going to miss you guys.. see y’all on monday, ayt???

- so, is there anything else I can help you with?? okay, thank you for calling Sitel and have a nice day :-)

| bench

For the longest time I haven’t had my haircut.. ,
and so today, to have a new look in preparation for my first day of work – I finally had my haircut… thanks to bench fix salon and to all the staff who made me at ease and who provided good customer service (waah!!).. thanks to bench fix styling stick to keep my hair up and to give sturdy look.. to bench moisturizing body spray to keep luscious skin.. and bench deo body spray who never lets me down haha!

| october bash!

It’s the first day of October and I can now smell the graduation day - as well as the beer fest haha!! Though, the department keeps us hanging because they were not yet releasing the official list of the graduating students, but I still they’re just faking it.. you know, for us to worry because we haven’t submitted the final copy of our thesis because it was stuck in the ERC for grammar corrections and minor editing.. nevertheless, we can work on that.. im sure we can.. so, there’s no stopping us from graduating in the 22nd of October.. fyi, we will be having our recollection this coming Saturday in san mateo, rizal.. at first, we kinda thought that it was again, another expense for us but we were so happy to know that it will be an all-expense paid trip except of course, for your transportation in going to the assembly place and to your toiletries, chips – need I say more? Anyway, im so excited bout the trip.. im sure it’ll be fun and a lot of bonding moments will be dwelled upon us – again!

| Starbuck's scam or myth?!?

The story that I will tell has been told by mouths and in my opinion, I think it’s quite true.. I’m so sorry.. I thrive in gossips a lot.. ergoes.. there was this old filthy rich man who’s living in Manhattan.. well, one of his fave things to do everyday is to have a cup of Cappuccino, which he orders in Starbucks’s.. He buys the same blend of Cappuccino almost everyday for the past uhmm I think more than ten years of his life.. and because of that, he can be considered as one of Starbuck’s valued customers.. but one day, he realized that it will cost him less if he will just get this Cappuccino maker, (that is available in Starbuck’s and will cost for about less than a hundred bucks) bring it to his house and from there, make his own blend of Cappuccino.. so what he did was he purchased this Capp maker and was so agitated to make his fave blend of Capp.. but as days passed by, he got pissed off for reasons that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t make the exact blend of Capp the same from what he used to pay for in Starbuck’s... and so he returned it to Starbuck’s to get his money back but the manager of the Manhattan branch refused to.. He told the old man that, “im sorry sir, we can’t do that because you have already used the machine..” but the old man insisted that, “Hey! I really want my money back because you know what, I just couldn’t get the exact same blend of Capp that I used to buy here in Starbuck’s..”. and so the discussion ended.. and the old man was so dissatisfied because he can’t get his money back.. so what he did next was that he called up Starbuck’s headquarters in Seattle, Washington and talked to one of the top executives there.. But the thing was, he was told that he really can’t get his money back but he was offered that his Capp maker will be replaced by the new model with upgrade.. hmm.. pretty good deal, huh?! But even though that was a great deal, the old man still want to get his money back.. and so the top executive ended the phone conversation refusing to the old man’s demands.. the next day, the old man paid a full-page ad (cost 100,000 dollars or more) to the New York Times telling that Starbuck’s could not stand behind their products.. that he was so mad because he just can’t get his money back for the Capp maker that he purchased.. you know, that Starbuck’s couldn’t make a money-back guarantee.. and so the whole nation knew about that news and for Starbuck’s, it was a bad publicity indeed.. they were alarmed.. and so the next day, Starbuck’s paid a full-page ad as well, and told about their apologies to the old man.. and from there, the old man then received a special Starbuck’s card that he can bring to any Starbuck’s outlets and avail a free cup of coffee.. whether that may be in Timbuktu or in Honolulu – he can have his Starbuck’s coffee for free!!

Well, the moral lesson of the story is that we should be exercising our rights as customers to the full extent.. what I mean is, that we should not be afraid to demand because after all, the company would not exist if it weren’t for us – the customers! And so they must give us not just not good but best customer service all the time..

*Thanks to EJ (one of our trainors) for sharing these thoughts with me..

| nocturnal..

for me, adjusting my body clock to the exact opposite of the normal one is not so-biggie! You know, I stay up late at night most of the time to do downloads, surfing, chatting, blogging, etcetera because that’s the only time I can avail of the free unlimited hours of my internet service provider (thanks to ISP Bonanza – P60 – 2 months w/ 10 hrs for peak hours and free unlimited access from 12pm to 8am).. and so, our orientation last night was okay for me.. I get to learn more of the company’s profile and objectives.. as well as the salary computation, which actually bored us out.. I didn’t quite expect that there a lot of taxes to be paid and a lot of deductions to be considered before getting your actual salary.. whew! that’s way too high! But anyways, I enjoyed the orientation especially when Nod (moderator) was cranking jokes and making faces.. he can be a stand-up comedian as an alternate career, I guess.. im kinda happy with the account that we will be handling for we are the pioneer of the said account.. sounds de ja vu.. because I’ve been a pioneer of the ECE batch of FEU-EAC that’s why.. and other organizations as well.. later on, we have found out that the our batch was divided I think into two for the training.. too bad, my buddies aren’t with me.. the good news is I’ve been assigned near to my place so, you know, less cab-a-holic so that I can save money hehe.. and it’s scheduled from 1pm – 9pm.. that’s makes a lot of sense cause I will still be able to catch PBB.. :-)

| it pays a lot to wait..

Somebody got hired!!!!

And that person is me…

After weeks of struggling through the interviews and exams, finally, I was hired by Sitel (located in Eastwood City, Libis).. it was so cool.. we started like 30 applicants yesterday morning and then we have the interview with the hr manager.. it’s like a group interview where she will be asking you several questions but you have to answer 'em in front of everybody else.. that was so intense.. but I made it through – lucky me! and then we have our exam.. it was 2 exams actually with four sets each.. whew! it was so tiring and mind-boggling.. I had my lunch at around 2 pm na.. I was so worried cause I have a scheduled interview and exam that same day at 4pm in Convergys Makati.. so I was thinking if I would be able to catch up with that schedule or not.. but the answer was obvious cause I’ll be having my phone simulation at 3pm.. and fortunately I passed again.. it was my day I must say.. and then they let me wait for a couple of hours for the job offer.. it was then that I met new people (the ones that were included in our batch).. we were narrowed down into 6 ata who made it.. we even exchanged numbers to keep in touch wehehe.. and then that’s it.. but my ex who’s apparently working in Convergys told me to pursue my exam.. Convergys is like the best call center here in the Phils. so the offer is way too great there.. but I still don’t know.. though I want more options, still, im considering a lot of things.. im just praying to have a clear mind and to decide what would be best for me..

| desperation..

Life is so full of twists and turns that nobody could ever explain why it is such.. the sick cycle it brings to everyone else makes a person stronger or if that person isn’t that buoyant enough to know that the cycle is just a part of life, the person tends to suffer desperation and that makes life even sicker.. knowing that what’s happening around us is just an element of life yet we could not control it to live our lives the way we want to..

desperate hopeless-romantic..
Yeah! I am one.. just had a tragic ending of such a lovely story I could ever tell.. isn’t it odd that when you know he is the right person for you at the right time you know it is, things got complicated like he isn’t ready to make commitments.. that kinda sucks a lot.. ever since I was a child, I have dreamed of one great love.. one that could sweep me off my feet.. one that could care for me so much like no else does.. one that I foresee I could be with in the future –sharing stories with me, laughing jokes with me and just enjoying every moment we could possibly have – and one that could show me love and make me wanna love him, too.. the thing is, I found these ideas of one great love with him.. I am just not-so-happy with what I’ve heard from him.. I cried a lot.. cause at one point in time, I thought I’ve seen love in his eyes.. but I’ve mistakenly identified admiration from love.. and I just realized that I just don’t wanna be admired nor liked.. I wanna be loved.. and then there’s somebody else offering me love the way I offered him.. but I guess it wouldn’t be fair for him if I consider his offer knowing that I, in fact, offered the same intensity (or more) of love to someone I love so dearly.. the last time I’ve been hurt like this was when I was in highschool when the girl I loved so much cheated on me.. it took me years back then to finally get over with the whole scenario.. and I guess it would take me even more time now to finally recover from what happened.. I’ve been hurting.. I am still hurting and I don’t want anybody to suffer the same thing I am going through right now.. so much for the selfish little acts I used to do before.. it’s time for me to grow up and be a man to take it all by myself and not grab somebody else to share the pain with me.. what is haunting me more is that I learned to like the things that he like a lot.. blogging, chucks, growing goatee, long hair, Hed Kandi’s music.. at some point, I’d like to forget about all these things but then I have grasped to my intellect that I don’t just like these things, I love ‘em – with or without the person who introduced me these.. just sad that he’s too preoccupied not to see that I can do almost everything for him.. though I really wanna get over him, I don’t think I can.. cause the whole thought of him still lingers on my mind.. I didn’t love him for a reason, I just did..

desperate son/career-seeker..
As much as I’d like to have a job right now not for myself, but for my mom, it seems that fate has gotten her hands again to give me the difficult tests life has to bring.. I’ve been desperately looking for a job for like two weeks already.. and sad to say, im still on the cliff.. so unsure of what other companies think of me.. some would give me a call but others won’t.. some would show willingness, even offering me a job right after graduation but after further evaluation, they would tell me that I am not in a fit for the position.. waahh!! Some would even let me wait for a couple of hours just to tell me that I don’t have what they’re looking for.. rejection.. I have lots of rejection in my life.. if I would tell you, it will take me at least a day to give you the exact details.. though I have been rejected by other companies, I still believe in myself.. I do not lose hope.. though I cried a lot, especially when I was this –close- to hiring.. but then again I have to take it as a man.. you could not please everybody as they say.. and you could not get all the things you want.. most of the times, it was not given to you for reason that He has bigger plans for you.. and that one should realize that what we are going through is just a preparation for the next step.. so im still keeping my head up high, thinking that in time, I will make it through.. and by that time, I would be so happy knowing that I have gone through several trials to finally get what I want.. and what would be more satisfying than to achieve what others think you can’t.. AJA!

And so desperation serves two purposes in life.. one is to motivate a person, you know, to give a person an inner drive to make things happen.. and the other is to let the person realize that life would not be as interesting to live without these challenges you get to have along the way.. life, then, would be ohh so boring.. so keep on dreaming and keep on fighting.. im sure it pays a lot to wait..

| me, myself and jay..

you might be wondering who that jay is… well, it’s my newly found friend?? (uh-uh!).. it’s just so happen that we have the same nickname.. funny, isn’t it?? Oh well, he’s a guy from Sitel call center in Libis.. I met him through g4m.. he’s so nice and so helpful.. he knows that I am currently looking for a job and without thinking twice, he offered me help and even promised to refer me to the hr of their company.. ahh!!! I really don’t know what to say.. though we haven’t met personally yet, it seems that he’s more than willing to offer me the best possible aid he could give.. such an angel! Hehe.. hope to know him more and wishing that this start could lead into something favorable for both of us..

| in pursuit of a prospect career (CSR/TSR)

I didn’t think that job hunting could be so much fun..

im just overwhelmed of the continuous calls I’ve been receiving

from different companies to which I passed my application online..

I also like the idea of being into different places..

ive been bored to death here in our house for the past three weeks and

a breath of fresh air could be so satisfying to my situation right now..

unfortunately, though I travel a lot nowadays because of my job interviews,

my money is running out na because of my constant cabhopping..

(what shall I do?? I really don’t know how to get to their places

especially in Makati which I am not that familiar to)
A while ago, I had my interview and exam with Asia Partnership

or also called as Asia Call Center Link..

it is like the agency for all potential call center agents because its

clients include different call center companies..

they are providing initial interviews, technical and

comprehensive exams and endorsements to be forwarded to different

call center companies for a prospective call center agent application..

luckily, I’ve been endorsed in two of the high-end call center companies

here in the Philippines – Parlance Systems, Inc. and Convergys..

they were able to schedule me for my interview with the

said companies in Monday and Tuesday, respectively…

I wouldn’t want to blow this chance cause I heard that the compensation

is good for both companies and one of the reasons why im enthusiastically

seeking for a job right now is to earn money, of course..

as much as possible, id like to support my own review studies for my board exam..

that I can only do if I will have a stable job in less than a month..

(the enrolment in review centers starts this October)

A call center agent career is just temporary I guess.. but we’ll see..

just keeping my head tight and my feet on the ground..

| in a rush..

geez!! Globe Telecom's HR called me 30 minutes ago.. she told me about my application and i had my initial interview right away.. she told me to come to their office at 3pm this afternoon in boni, mandaluyong to have my exam.. hope i wont mess this up.. see 'ya folks!

| why?

why cant you just show a little bit of love for me??
why cant you give me the benefit of the doubt??
why cant you unplug yourself from the past??

I just wanna vent out..

Though im trying my hardest to get over you and accept the fact that you can never give an ounce of love for me, the more that im missing you.. I know that "love is too profound to be taken lightly", but that’s not what I’ve been doing.. I’ve taken lots of sincerity about it and im fucking sure about my feelings for you.. but that’s the irony of life.. maybe this is a way of paying my dues.. I just want this to be over and move on.. I’m so in pain right now..

"I wont cry no more, I wont drown in my tears, I wont die no more, I got over my fears.. and im moving on.. boy, I know what to do.. cause I might be better off without you and we both know that it’s true.. "

:-( still weeping..

| what i've been watching lately..

Pinoy Big Brother (ABS-CBN)

Insights..
Oh I just love the soap.. the real soap of real life.. i mean there’s no way the other soaps can be so real than that.. or they cant even be closer to what reality PBB has in stored for us.. the creators of PBB, as well as the original BB, must have put a lot of efforts in making this project.. im a reality TV fan and I must say that I haven’t seen real lives closer than this.. you know, all the romance, the bickering, and the twists among the housemates is an exact mirror image of the outside world..
The character I love the most..
Uncle Sam… woah!! every inch of him makes me sweat and he continues to amuse me every time I watch PBB.. his smile is perfectly incomparable (thanks to Close-Up for discovering such great lad)... when he first came in to the house, I’ve been thinking hard where did I see him.. and thanks to Barbie Almalbis’ video that made my inept talent of remembering faces work this time and made me comprehend that he’s, in fact, in her video.. the guy who’s been chasing her from the time he saw her on the bus.. as a matter of fact, I have a song for sam.. and it goes like this, “when I see you smile, I can change the world… woah! you know that I can do anything.. when I see you smile, I see the ray of light… woah! I see the shadows right through the rain.. when I see you smile, baby when I see you smile at me (in front of the cam)”.. it’s actually from the hit song of Uncle Sam (the real one) himself entitled “When I See You Smile”..
The character I hate the most..
It’s certainly JB.. ahh! I just hate him for continuously making issues about his other housemates, except for Say for sure.. he’s constantly backstabbering those innocent peeps and eww he is so irritating whenever he talks like nagpapaawa because obviously, he’s not that type of person.. I guess that he hasn’t changed from being bad to being good according to his first footage.. I mean based from what I’ve been seeing, he’s no good at all..
The characters I'm fond of watching..
Uma, simply because I believe that he’s a closet queen and id love to see him come out of the wardrobe and tell everyone that he’s gay… Chx, for reasons that I can relate to her so much.. nah! Not totally the flirty-side of her but her being liberated and outspoken about her feelings (I have nothing against her kissing Sam cause if I were in her position at that time – tipsy and in his arms – I would probably have done the same thing, or more than that I guess hehe).. and I like to see her with Rico as well.. and Rico for having such wonderful bud.. oohh!! I just love his abs.. but since he’s out of the house.. my eyes are all set to SAM! Go Sam!!

Fear Factor Reality Stars Special (AXN)
The contestants..
Im a fan of the show eversince.. and reality tv as well.. and watching my fave reality stars all chock-full in one of my fave reality TV shows is something I must see and should not miss.. the contestants were Reichen (winner of the Amazing Race 4 – gay!), Jenna (winner of Survivor Amazon), Ethan (winner of Survivor Africa – Jenna’s bf), Omarosa (applicant in The Apprentice) and the other two were a guy from The Bachelorette and a girl (3rd placer in American Idol 1).. I am very much familiar with the first four contestants cause I was able to watch their respective shows especially Reichen, who happens to be my greatest reality fantasy before.. Reichen is such a gorgeous gay with a body that is so sexy and his muscles are in the right places… I wasn’t able to watch American Idol 1 that’s why I cant recall the girl’s name.. it wasn’t aired kase here before..

The synopsis..
I cant write down the details about the stunts but just to give a quick sum up.. the first one eliminated was Reichen (what a spoil!) and then Jenna.. next is Amarosa and the AI girl.. and then Ethan.. and the winner was the Bachelorette guy.. I was disappointed of course cause I was rooting for Reichen.. I was so glad pa naman to see him back in TV.. but it was okay though.. great fight.. The show continues not to fail my expectations of watching really gross, nasty, horrifying stunts.. to catch it, tune in to AXN this Sunday at 11 am (plugging!)

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (Star Movies)
Déjà Vu

Me and my best friend’s favorite movie way back in high school.. we see ourselves as romy (nap) and michele (me) for reasons that in real life, I am the dumber one wehehe and he knows what to do all the time.. because back then, nap used to decide for me.. he practically controlled my life.. just kidding! We even planned to go to the prom with our hair dyed and with a cool outfit, preferably neon ones to steal the crowd’s attention.. just like what Romy and michele did in the movie, although with different colors of outfit.. but the plan was sabotaged because of a major offense we committed to our school.. actually, it was I who made the offense and he was just put into it because of me (my apologies, nap!) but that issue was already over and we’re starting our friendship again hehe..

The pinnacle of the story..
It was when they danced with Sandy, Michele’s long time admirer slash a nerdy-freak-turned-the-most-successful-person-in-their-batch, together with the beat of Time After Time.. oh it was so cool.. I was rolling on the floor when I first watched it.. their choreography was off the hook but it was funny.. I loved it!

INXS Rockstar Finale (Star World)
The champ..

The final three rockers (Mig, Marty and J.D.) began the finale by singing covers from the list of songs from the previous shows – it was their personal choice, actually! After their performances, the band eliminated someone, and unfortunately, that someone happened to be Mig (a true Filipino pride). I was hoping for him to win even before the start of the competition.. but it was okay.. at least he showed to the whole world innumerably that Filipinos are flexible and that we know how to rock!! Yeah.. props to you Mig!! And then only Marty and J.D. remained, and they each took on a classic INXS hit for their last hurrah! Following a tough deliberation, INXS made their big decision, and J.D. was chosen as the frontman for their future tour. Ahh!! I just don’t get it.. J.D. is a no rocker at all.. he may have the best looks in the appearance department, but in the talent department, he’s a middle man.. well, one thing good about him though was that he knows how to warm up the crowd and that I think is the sole reason why INXS chose him to be their next vocalist…

The other shows..
Close-Up-To-Fame Grand Finals (ABS-CBN) – I love the winners.. they truly deserved it. Way to go jayson and “I forgot the name of the girl – my bad!”
The Pacifier (DVD c/o helen) – vin has taken a different role but incredibly nailed it.. he’s such a wonderful actor and he was so hilarious with those kids..
Monster-In-Law (DVD c/o helen) – the squabbling and wrangling of jlo and her soon-to-be mother-in-law was something me and my mom enjoyed while eating spaghetti.. we laughed hard and we cried, as always, at the end of the movie (mababaw kase luha namen eh!)
Mean Girls (DVD c/o kuya) – for the 2nd time.. I hate plastics!! But could you help yourself not to be plastic when everybody else is?? Hmm..
Freaky Friday (Disney Channel) – I was amazed to see the guy I had a crush on in the TV Series One Tree Hill, in movies like A Cinderella Story and House of Wax.. he was the love interest of Lindsay Lohan in the said movie.. Cool, huh!

| thought of the day..

Oh well, I can say that I did great in my job interview awhile ago.. I passed their 1st and 2nd interviews and they are now endorsing my application to the supervisor to determine what account could they possibly put me in.. im hoping for the best as of now but im still considering a lot of things.. I’d still be pursuing my application to other companies though.. it’s good to have a lot of choices before signing any agreement that could possibly change my life.. since this can be my first job, though I don’t wanna be choosy, I just like to have a great start..

I didn’t think that the word thought could be that significant for me this day.. my interviewer actually taught me how to enunciate it properly (you know, putting your tongue between your teeth while emphasizing the "th-") darn it! I should’ve known that long time ago.. so while I was in a cab (cause I really don’t know how to get there – stupid me!) to my way home, I cant help myself mumbling the word over and over again.. the cab driver probably thought that I’m crazy, huh??

inxs,

my nephew already knows how to do the "close-open" thingy.. im so proud of him hehe.. a very fast learner child.. he's my angel!

| -= ^in da club^ =-

im so into trance and club mix right now.. oh just love the rhythm and the beat.. check out Hed Kandi’s compilations.. the best club anthems of ‘em all…

currently enjoying Chicane’s No Ordinary Morning, Goldfrapp’s Utopia (Sunroom Mix), and The Source’s You’ve Got The Love (Original Mix) featuring Candi Staton.. those mixes were so hot.. like ‘em so much..

also like Bonnie Bailey’s Ever After (Eric’s Beach Mix).. the lyrics is great and I just cant help myself not liking it so much..

“And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn

Our hands grip together eye to eye through the storm yet

I still believe in ever after with you yeh

Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side

And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride

I still believe in ever after with you”

as well as Benny Benassi’s Satisfaction (thanks emjay..) im in a partee mode right now :-) to think that I have a job interview later.. oh well, why should i care.. im seizing the moment right now!

| @ 7:35 am

=====
yesterday I had my preboard exams for the 3rd time.. I was expecting that they will give the same test questions as for the previous ones.. but I got disappointed when I look at the test papers with different set of questions.. WTF! We were so pissed off with that (me and my batchmates).. but we still do hope we’re gonna pass that test (we’re keeping our fingers crossed!)

=====
we have our clearances signed by different departments.. we got the chance to finally have a tour at our new building.. it was so cool.. the façade was fantastic and the walls were so beautiful.. it’s like we’re in a hotel.. (check it out for yourself.. the new building of FEU – formerly FEU hospital)

=====
it was nearly seven when I got home.. surprisingly, the hr of one of my prospect companies for my job application called me up.. she verified about my application and then I have my fone interview right away.. and then she scheduled me for a personal interview the next day at 2pm.. got chills on my bone.. but I still to like to try it though..

=====
what a great morning indeed!! New breath, new life, new perception about life.. had a blast – go figure peeps!

| grandma's berbi

...... today is my lola's 91st birthday ......
... never thought she'd reach this far ...
.............. way to go grandma! ......
............ pretty tough, huh? .............
... she used to be a tough woman ....
..... but she's still strong and kicking! ....
. though she has Alzheimer's disease na..
........... love you still, grandma!!........
............ hugs and kisses for you.........
..................... mwah!!?!?..................

| Hail to ORIGINAL PINOY MUSIC!

Im so digging OPM right now… really, just cant have sufficient listening to their songs.. not just they have their own unique styles (which I think is most important to all the artists), they also have this quality or shall I say ability to bring you out of the real world – and continually dream (my fave pastime, I must say!)

Ugh..

Nina’s Constantly is my top pick of all the songs I’ve been listening to these past few days.. maybe because I can relate to the song so much and that I know that the song fits me so well… with how my love life turns our these days.. urgh!! Next up is Hale’s The Day You Said Goodnight.. I love it for the fact that I watch Green Rose but even before it became the OST of the said soap, I’ve been enchanted with how the lyrics of the song goes.. Next is Cueshé’s Stay.. I believe that every one of us has this one shot at destiny (just as the line from the song goes) and that we should not throw away all the opportunities that come along our way – it goes with all aspects of life (lemme generalize!)

and then Kitchie Nadal’s Same Ground is so enchanting.. wish I could meet her in person.. im such a fan! Oh!! Karel Marquez’s Pangarap is one of my favorites as well.. not just because it was the OST of Oh! Feel Young but also because it was kinda rock and I just love seeing and listening to a girl who knows how to crank it up, who knows how to ROCK!! And so Imago’s Yakap has rocked me on as well.. too bad I had a bad memory of the song and that I do not want to elaborate..

MYMP’s Especially For You… hmm.. for someone again (geez! This heart of mine really loves music!! Harhar) – singing the melody “especially for you, I wanna let you know what I was going through.. all the time we were apart I thought of you, you were in my heart, my love never changed I still feel the same..”

How could I forget to mention the song that popularizes the best reality TV show in phil. television.. im talking about none other than Pinoy Big Brother’s OST Pinoy Ako by Orange and Lemons.. ahihi.. in excess (or INXS from Star World’s Rocckkstar INXS), just cant take my eyes off of Sam – the newest housemate… Wooohh!!! He’s totally hot – I got a boner hehe.. my bad!! Oh by the way I also like O&L’s Hanggang Kailan.. really, I thought that the title of the song is Umuwi ka na Baby because as the line from the song goes “umuwi ka na baby, di na ako sanay ng wala ka.. mahirap ang mag-isa”

Southborder’s Sweet is so funky.. not to mention that they collaborated with Jinky of Freestyle.. with her soulful voice plus the rnb rhythm of the song, woah.. it was indeed a song with jam-packed talents and different flavors..

Bamboo’s Hallelujah and F.U. were the best.. the best band ever.. the way he performs and the message to every song they sing, I couldn’t agree more when others named them as the best band ever in the country.. arrgh!! Need to watch at least one of their shows, huh?

More of my favorites include.. Brownman Revival, Soapdish, Spongecola, Barbie Almalbis and of course, the Champions especially Sarah, Mark, Erik, Christian and Rachelle Ann (she’s my former schoolmate… and im so proud of her)..

More to OPM Music!! Rock ON!!

| @ 7:13 am

=====
just finished updating my blogs.. skillfully did my tag-board.. whew!! it took a lot of efforts to finally figure out how to post it nyok3!

=====

currently studying for my pre-board exams.. i still couldnt get the idea of having this.. it's so mind-freaking.. it's pretty obvious that we are the only ones treated like this in our batch.. my other friends from the other department do not have to take this exam even if they failed the previous one.. the reason.. simply because they will soon have their actual review and will soon have their actual pre-board.. hope i pass the exam this time..

=====

my monitor sucks!! it's so yellowish and i couldnt even adjust the settings.. and so id like to apologize for the color of my tag-board.. i just cant distinguish between what is red and what is pink.. or what is blue and what is cyan.. or even what is red and what is orange... churi! my bad! ill fix it right away once i finished kicking my ass to this monitor..

=====

cant have enough of the dirty ice cream i have the other day.. still craving for more.. too bad all of my cousins were hungry as a bear that i havent been able to spare some of it and put it in our ref... when will i have such thing again??!? huhu.. my mom told me that ill be having exactly the same cart but of different flavors during my grad party wehehe.. chill out!

=====

dont wanna think of someone who's not even thinking of me.. :-(

| he's back, and so is my endless day-dreaming..

The man who brought me joy and tears, the man who let me feel how to be cared the most and the man who I’ve been dying to see for the past 17 days is finally back.. what a great feeling indeed, waking up, opening my kinky eyes from like a thousand years of sleep and looking at my fone’s inbox his message telling me that he’s back.. though he was here last Saturday pa, still the thought that he texted me to announce me his return is something I’m truly happy for.. waahh.. I miss him so much.. hastily, the memories of how we met and the times we’ve been together flash back for the nth time..

He was just one of my online friends before.. (thanks to downelink for letting me meet him) I remembered that he sent me a message first.. he was in the states at that time.. we agreed to meet each other once he gets back in the Philippines.. but it seemed that he’s forgotten all about our sort-of “agreement” when he landed the country.. but it was okay, of course.. and then one time, he sent me a message again in another site (thanks to g4m for being a great host haha!).. from then on, we constantly texted each other.. woah!!

I was with my friend’s house one time because we had a sleepover (literally!! We just sleep) for our thesis.. I don’t know why and I don’t know how I woke up at 3 in the morning.. I looked at my fone’s screen and bam! I have a message.. it was from him telling me where I was at that moment.. I immediately replied and told him that I was in maceda, part of dapitan in españa, manila.. he told me that he will come over and meet me in front of my friend’s house (it was a condo nga pala!).. after learning that, I brushed my teeth right away and fix my clothes.. OMG! I forgot to fix my hair hehe.. I looked like a high schooler wearing my pambahay only with matching flip flops slipped into my feet.. and then we met, though not in the exact location we agreed on but we finally met each other.. he was one hell of a guy.. he stunningly looked awesome and I felt so shy.. I couldn’t even look at him in the eye worrying that I might look obvious (but hey, why do I care anyway??) he’s simply irresistible.. (now, that I couldn’t agree more!)

He held my hand so tight that I took it away from him, not because I don’t want to feel his hand next to mine but because I am afraid I might not let go of his hand (corny as it may sound but it happened!) and then he introduced me to his bestfwend – dada!! She’s lovely and so kind.. she drove us around and later did I realize that they will take me to his house.. It may sound untruthful but I never felt fear nor danger from the moment I saw him.. it feels like everything was almost perfect every second that I was with him.. I just learned that he lives in recto, which is near in maceda, from that point.. we talked for hours there, trying to catch each other’s feelings.. Trying to know each other well.. it was our first time to talk personally but again, it may sound corny.. but I feel like I’ve known him even before we met, even before we get the chance to know each other.. (maybe because I dreamed of him from the time he sent me his first message in downe) – tell me how could I forget a face like that, huh?

Then after more than 3 hours of non-stop talking as well as feeling each other (haha!), I went home.. he even gave me money to pay my cab driver.. that was so nakakahiya talaga!! but of course, I thanked him for that..

Then the next day, we had a sleepover again at my other friend’s house in cubao.. it was for our project naman in broadcasting.. I always smile whenever I think about the time he surprised me at around 3 in the morning.. I was sleeping back then in the couch when my friend woke me up and told me that he’s calling (they know about him kase).. I answered the fone and then he told me that he was near our place na.. I was shocked because prior to that, we agreed that he will not see me until morning so I was expecting that he will come over the next day pa but then he rushed into our place not even minding the danger ahead of him, especially in cubao, during that moment.. woah!! It made my heart so big talaga!! I couldn’t thank him enough for showing me endless care and love (nah!! I guess not..) and then he went home at 5:30 in the morning I guess..

The following day after our sleepover, I went to his house at around 3 in the morning.. just cant help myself not to see him before the final defense of our project in broadcasting (you know, for good luck hehe!).. he entertained me so well and we slept for like two hours to gain more strength.. I could not wish more than to wake up beside the one I loved the most.. (yeah, I must admit that I even loved him during our first meeting..) ever heard of love at first sight? I guess I just have one.. honestly, it was one of the best days of my life..

After our final defense that day, he fetched me.. I am so touched.. what can I say?? And then from that day, he fetched me after classes until he left for palawan.. and now he’s back.. gosh!! What shall I do?? I wanna go to their house and welcome him with my biggest hug, but I cant.. I have learned from him (while he was in palawan) that he already gave his heart to someone else in the past.. it split my heart apart - methaporically.. I even told him that he can have mine.. but he refused to, it’s so selfish daw!! He doesn’t know that what’s the point of having this heart of mine if I will offer this to other person.. as much as I want him to own my heart, he could not.. he simply could not.. but even that’s the scenario, I will never leave him just as the line from a song goes..

“I will never leave you, hold on tight
Promise to stay forever by your side
And I will never leave you
Promise I’ll stay forever
I will never leave you behind..”

Words aren’t enough to tell you how I feel, even actions cant express exactly the way I feel, but if you will just listen to my heart and own it like yours, you will learn that I can love you even forevermore…

| happy christening, josh matthew!!

well, today is a very important occasion for the whole family.. it's the christening of our own baby jm, a four-month old son of my brother.. woah!! he's grown so big and so heavy, i must say! well, the ceremony started at 10:30am at Holy Family Parish in our community (it's been years since i last saw the church :-) ).. he has lots of ninongs and ninangs (including me) and thank GOD that he didn't have his tantrums during the rest of the ceremony.. we took pictures and videos and stuff just to make memories of one of the important days of his life.. hmm.. i wonder if i were given that attention and efforts when i was the one being christened.. anyways, after the ceremony, we went to our house to entertain our guests with our foods, drinks and a lotta ice cream hehe (we hired sorbetes cart and have the dirty ice cream hehe - so childish).. but i think the children loved it.. and being the stage ninong, i gladly took the role of Mamang Sorbetero haha.. the foods were great and the guests were treated so well, of course with the rest of the cast - my mom, my aunt, my sister-in-law/mother of jm, and the rest of my lola's (those who doesn't have Alzheimer's Disease yet ahihihi).. then, the rest of our relatives came in the middle of the afternoon and we catched up with lots of stories and gossips with each other.. ohh!! this is one hell of a day.. the crowd and the noise brought about by the kids were so overwhelming.. really, i had great time hanging out with my family.. too bad that my bestfriend didnt come to celebrate this special event with me.. but instead of making a sad face, there are still more reasons for me to make this day a happy day..

| is to commit to reciprocate?

Does commitment answer the doubts of love?? Or if you really love someone, will commitment be the only thing he needs to do to reciprocate your love?? I guess not.. you know, there are lot of ways to reciprocate somebody’s love for you.. and for me, commitment is not the only thing you can do to show your loved one that you, in fact, love him as well.. like, you can entrust your secrets with him or appreciate all the little things he has done for you.. these are just few of the alternatives that you can do to let your loved one knows that you’re feeling the same way towards him.. though committing into a relationship is something I take great regard of, but if I do love him so much, just the presence of him completes my day and erases all my doubts.. I know that it may sound so corny but that’s the way I love someone..

I just love him expecting nothing in reciprocity!!

| walk-in..

last wed, i walked in to apply for a customer service rep in people support in makati.. their office is situated in front of makati med and rcbc building as well.. i must say that the building is great.. it's kinda new and there are lots of fast foods in the base of the building.. (sarap kumain!! ahihihi!!) we were assisted by the guards as we entered the building and we were given as well the instructions for the initial interview.. we followed it so well and immediately have our phone interview as the last part of the initial interview.. the interviewer asked a lot of questions bout customer service and stuffs like that.. honestly, i was so unprepared and i was thinking that this was happening so fast and started asking myself if i could take more of this or not.. but then again, i realized that i have come a long way just to be here so why not make the hell out of this... anyways, these are only some of the first-time glitches.. it's my first time to actually have a job application hehe.. maybe, in my next job application i will be able to put up a good stand for myself and deliver myself well.. not that i wasnt able to answer all the questions threw upon me.. it's just that sometimes, along the interview process, i was lost out of words and my mouth was really betraying me - go figure!

anyway, i still had a great day.. even if i have waited for my bestfriend for centuries cause he took the exam already.. but hey, were able to catch things up and we countlessly discussed bout my lovelife -- haha, very interesting hehe!! i must tell that he was stunned everytime i shifted from story to story, from one relationship to another.. undeniably, it has been seven long years before we were able to patch things up again.. and even a whole day cant measure up the amount we have lost each other.. hehe.. even watching lovestruck cant match up with what we had before.. oh!! i miss you bestfriend.. mwah!

| same-sex "ersatz" or "genuine" relationship?

same sex relationship can never be perfect.. you can never force your partner to be faithful in the same way that even a "boy-girl" relationship can never be.. what is important is that at the end of the day you find each other on your side and you're happy knowing that he is yours.. we need to enjoy the relationship while it lasts.. for if you waste your time in doubts and insecurities, you will never appreciate how wonderful it is to fall in love.. to get hurt is a fact that we bargain when we choose to love.. but hey, know what - loving is the essence of our existence.. that is the reason why we were created - to love.. and so let us not count the times that we were hurt.. rather count the times we smiled, we laughed, we love.. it is not how many times we have fallen in love, whether once, twice or a million times. what is important is that when we grow old, we regret nothing because we have loved and that we let those whom we loved feel that we love them.. let us not waste time on doubting that our present relationship might not work or that our partner might be playing around with someone else.. we just continue to love..

and let us not be desperate looking for love.. love always comes at a right time with the right person. corny as it may sound but even in this kind of preference we need to wait for the "right one" just like a woman waiting for her right man. let us not hurry things up, for somewhere out there, there is "him" that will come and will show you the wonders of love...

- a special thanks to kuya jas for this information.. it was indeed substantial for people like me with a lot of questions about same-sex love..

| we just don't design things better, we link them together..

That’s the aphorism of Microlink, my group in Communications subject, last year.. it was certainly one the best groups I ever had in college, but unfortunately, the groupings divided the class into different alliances.. lucky enough, after a year of conflict and misunderstanding about each alliances, the class is whole again and everybody else is unified..

Oohh, our group has gone a long way just to finish the requirements for the said subject.. we were out on the streets late at night just to fix things up.. we even had lots of sleepovers and group meetings to be able to finish the miniature of our design (thanks to kuya marc who provided a gifted hand to put the structures at the right place!!)


The bonding I have with the members of the group requires not only friendship but as well as passion to know these people.. some of ‘em have been my friends from the start of college days but some were not.. that’s the challenge comes along.. to be able to fit into the group or to be left out.. but as the ice breaker and as the most conversationalist (maybe because I have a big mouth – figuratively!), I was able to blend different personalities and was able to deal with lots of attitude problems of the group members..

I still remember the conflict that popped up between Cris, a very special friend of mine, and to some of our groupmates… cris was accused of being the notorious girl, a real offender for reasons that she barely knew at that time.. I acted as the mediator between two parties and fortunately, all things has been settled now.. (grow up kids hehe!!)

Our stay at Lyn’s house was probably the most cherished moment I have with all of ‘em.. we took pictures in their garden with the whole cast of microlink and even had our VTR’s for the final defense of our project.. the VTR making was like the most hilarious thing each of us has done remembering the lines I wrote for each and everyone of us.. (im laughing so hard right now when I remember Ang uttered his spills… geez!! He was so damn stiff and even look like a hostage in a stake out crying out for ransom.. lolz…)

And then the final defense came.. our hearts literally would like to come out of our chest while memorizing the topics we will be discussing.. the presentation was all set, the miniature and the VTR was already in its place for the judges’ viewing.. we did great in the presentation I think, but for the first question tossed upon us… oh well.. we just smirked!! Smirk as in we smirked cause we didn’t know the answer to the question.. not that we really don’t know it but I guess we were just aggravated by the situation we were into and totally have forgotten the lectures we had cause that’s the answer to that f**king question.. but that's okay.. at least, we know in ourselves that we put forward our best efforts to achieve success for the said project.. though we didn’t win the title for the best group, still, I know that in our hearts and in our minds, Microlink’s number one.. with that alone, no title could ever best compete with the kind of recognition we have carved in our hearts..

Im gonna miss you guys..

(starting from top left .. Ninay, Ang, Bez, Erwin, Shiela, Nicnic, Marie, Sheila, Cris, Mark, Lyn, Ericel, and me!!)

| QAF's Season One Finale

"Brian and Justin".. excerpts from Queer As Folk TV Series

Just finished watching season one ender of Queer As Folk.. I got myself enchanted during Justin’s prom night when Brian came flashing through the crowd and walked up to Justin and asked him to dance.. The two just flew in to the middle of the dance floor and the crowd moved away like some celebrity just got in.. they closely watched how the two danced flawlessly with the melody of “Save the Last Dance for Me”.. aahh.. it was truly one of the greatest dreams I’d love to come true.. to be able to dance the man of my dreams in front of many people… before they ended dancing, they even kissed in front of everybody else which I’m sure got amused with what they just saw.. (how I wish people here in the Philippines would not have that culture shock anymore whenever they see gay couple kissing!!) and they walked thru the parking lot and kissed again.. Justin even told Brian that it was indeed the night of his life.. Just when Brian was about to leave, he saw on his side mirror Chris approaching Justin with a bat on his hands.. I was so touched with how Brian saved Justin from that bully, faggot-hater, pig Chris.. aahh… Why are there people like Chris who finds himself entertained and fulfilled whenever he beats up a queer guy like Justin.. Thanks to Brian who never failed to save Justin from people like him whenever he gets the chance.. But it seemed Justin’s knight-in-shining-armor is already too late for he has already been hit on his face... Brian immediately attended to Justin after he ran into Chris, giving him an ass-kicking leg off he could not forget.. Justin’s head was already bleeding and Brian was on the verge of breaking down.. Even a heartless, self-conceited, label whore like Brian would give much of his care to someone he probably has grown to love.. But he’s just too weary about his feelings.. I was waiting for him to tell that he loves Justin but based from his actions, I think he already does.. the saddest scene I remembered is when Brian was sitting on the bench outside the ER, wearing on his neck the scarf he gave Justin as a gift for his prom night.. the scarf was already bloody and worn out but he chose to wear it still.. maybe because he wants to feel Justin through the scarf with his blood all over it.. That was truly a catastrophic, heartbreaking ending of a gay TV series I love to watch the most.. I wonder if Brian finally admits his love for Justin in the next season.. (got to spend hours downloading from the internet again!!) Meanwhile, im gonna figure out how will my own Brian Kinney fall for me??? Do I need to be involved in an accident before he finds realization?? Or do I need to do no more and let him figure that out himself?? Aahhh.. too many questions yet none has been answered yet..

| what i fear the most..

The Inevitable Death.. i don’t fear it for the fact that I don’t wanna bear the pain that it would bring and the idea that my body will rot six feet under the ground or if not, being burnt in an oven.. it’s because I don’t wanna leave the ones I love.. those people who believe in me and I know would suffer the hardest if i die.. first on my list is my mom.. I still haven’t accomplished the dreams I made for her.. those dreams that we made together.. and because she’s aged, I would like to at least give her the best comfort of living that she truly deserves.. I intend to pursue my ambitions for her.. I think that’s the least I can do for all the hardships that she has done for me.. she’s remarkably the best mom I can say in the whole world.. I love my siblings so much that I wanna help them the best way I can.. they worked so hard to support my studies and I thank them for every single cent they have spent to bring me to college.. if I die, how would I be able to return the favors they did for me.. I don’t wanna die without seeing their lives stable.. I know that it is because of me that they weren’t able to fulfill their own dreams yet.. lastly, I don’t wanna leave my friends.. I treasure them so much as well as I treasure life.. they were the ones who keep me standing through every trials I stumbled upon.. much as I do to my bestfriend who have been the kindest, most understanding and loving friend I ever met.. words are not enough to detail their essence but I just cant leave them behind.. I know that in any moment I could be dead but at least I was able to give them the proper tributes through this little piece of writing.. just have to say life wouldn’t be more meaningful without all of you..

| Kudos to the "FEU-EAC Cheerleading Squad"

I’ve been part of the cheering squad of our college for two consecutive years.. and I must say it was one of the things that I will miss the most out of the university.. the tedious rehearsals, the pressure and the bonding among my teammates were indeed priceless.. not to mention the glory that it brought us after each performance in front of an overwhelming crowd and supporters..

Whew! Cheerdancing was definitely in my blood.. my mom used to be a cheer dancer herself way back in her college days in Red Warriors home.. I only learned that just before the competition starts in my second year.. from then on, I told myself that this thing is something I can be proud of and will pass to the nest generation of my
family (if I have no choice but to have a family harharhar!!!)

To my friends and former teammates, I love y’all.. the times we had been together were impeccably one of the best memories I have in college.. so sad I wasn’t able to compete for the previous year due to the tight schedules I have in school.. but hey! Who knows I might be able to pursue my dreams to finally perform in the
Big Dome for a final showdown of cheerdance and wonderful cheers.. but that would only happen if I pursue my masteral degree.. well anyway, that matter is out of my head at the moment.. see ‘ya around folks.. you were truly among the few talented peeps I personally know.. VIVA COECS!!!

| a TALE of the INCREDIBLE TROY..

>> woke up @ 11:00 am and had a movie marathon.. oh I miss watching movies here in my room.. (just try to imagine being out of home for like a week or more, huh!!) first up, “a shark’s tale”.. i must say I enjoyed the film so much that I laughed my heart out.. still thinking about will’s punch lines.. who wouldn’t have gone crazy when you hear smith cranking jokes?? Oh well, I was so touched with the moral of the story.. that you shouldn’t be somebody just to satisfy your needs or pursue your dreams or get people’s attention or find your true love.. cause even if you’re a nobody, you can still have 'em all.. being a nobody is not an impediment for you to realize how life is worth living and how it is wonderful blessed with the things that you have... though there may be times that people always feel insatiable, still, we just have to be thankful of what we have right now.. im sure they are worth having than what we desire..

second up is “D Incredibles”… oh I love the effects and the sounds and the humor of this movie.. it’s great to see a family fighting together though.. makes me sad because I don’t have a dad!! Well, what difference does it make, anyway?? I still have my mom who acts as my dad as well and who fights with me through the battles of our lives… yeah, being a broken family doesn’t make us less loving and less caring for each other.. in fact, we have so much love for our family.. oh, I love my mom so much.. she means everything to me.. and to my dad.. ahh!! Get lost!! Don’t you ever come back, you freak!! Just kidding..

the last movie that I watched for this day is “Troy”.. though I already watched it in theaters with someone urrghh!! Oh.. just don’t wanna remember that day when someone – someone rejected me… the nerve!!! He was so conceited, obnoxious and a chauvinist pig!! Du-uh!! Well anyway, he’s not worth talking about so I choose not to elaborate details about him.. what I liked about the movie is when Brad stated the lines that go somewhat like these, “you cannot be lovelier than today”, “we cannot be here again”… it just sounded so truthful that made me realize that we cannot bring back the past nor the time we have already spent.. that we should make the most out of every single second we live.. and in relation with love (again!), we should take the chance of loving someone today for it could be our last chance.. that waiting for someone based on our standards is not option.. that whoever comes near close to our heart should be given at least that chance to love us and be loved by us.. oh well! It’s pretty much easy to say but when you do so, it gets complicated… just a tiny thought from my wicked mind!

- just to add up, i remembered why Achilles (Pitt) fought for the people of Troy.. it is because he wants the world to remember his name... hmm.. i wonder what am i gonna do to be remembered and how would i wanna be remembered??? well, im saving that for next post..

peayycce OUT!

| as the rain pours down, memories flash back and my heart cries out!

A moment ago, as the rain poured down from the clouds, the tears literally flew down through my cheeks.. I felt so much pain because of something I wasn’t prepared to hear.. the overused cliché - “that you deserve someone better than me”, “that there is someone out there who can love you the way you love me”.. ahh!! WTF! I uttered the same lines before to my ex's and now I am hearing it to someone I love so dearly.. is this some kind of a joke.. or a twisted fate maybe.. or shall I say karma.. yeah! Because of what I did in the past, destiny must have gotten her hands on me to let me feel how throbbing it was for people I used to take for granted.. I must admit, I was such an a**hole before, never really considering the feelings of others before making decisions that will surely tear someone’s life apart.. but that happened after I endured so much pain caused by my past lovers..

To give you a quick recap of what happened in the past, ‘er it goes..

My first love was a girl.. she, in fact, taught me the right intimacy.. she taught me everything I needed to know on how to lighten the fire between two lovers.. but she dominated me.. and I never liked the idea of being manipulated especially that I take no orders from no one.. the second girl I
loved was already told in my previous blog, the BEGINNING..the third girl, well, she was too good for me, I swear!

As I entered college, I realize that a part of me is still in the dark.. and so I must clean my closet before it gets dusty and everything turns into a total mess… and so I came out of the shell.. I finally admitted that I have this sexual attraction with the same sex.. I’ve had series of relationships with a lot of guys, but none actually lasted for more than a month.. I don’t know why but as far as I know myself, I put so much effort in every relationship I had… well, to some only!! The foremost relationships I had were experimental.. and so I got hurt because I was played and used.. I was so vulnerable at that time… trying to mend the pieces of my broken heart, I jumped into another relationship and to a fling and to a relationship and the cycle goes on.. from that moment that I decided to leap from one relationship to another, I told myself that I would be not-as-loving as before… that I would think of myself, care for myself, and love myself more than i love anybody else.. but I thought wrong.. because of the implication of that little selfishness, I found myself hurting the ones I love.. I started feeling guilty because with that one shot of destiny, I didn’t give it all.. I didn’t love them not just with all my heart, but with all of me… And so I told myself that the next time I would be falling for someone, im gonna make sure to it that he will feel loved by me and that I will treat him right.. im gonna do whatever it takes to make him love me, too..

And so he came, but the inevitable happened… though im looking forward to this scenario that he’s gonna tell me that same old cliché, still I wasn’t equipped to last the pain.. he even told me before that he isn’t ready to commit to someone yet.. but I decided not to listen.. cause I wanna try this out.. as the line goes from Cueshé’s song, “think about it, cause we only had one shot at destiny.. all im asking, could it possibly be you and me?”.. and now here I am, I must say I was worn out.. my heart is bleeding and so is the love I have for him.. though im crying my heart out, I’m still praying and waiting that he will soon consider the love I am offering to him.. maybe all I need is more prayers for I have neglected my duty to Him for the longest time..

| Homage to DIGIMOVERS!

It all started during the groupings of our project study (thesis) way back in june 2004.. all six of us were surprisingly grouped together (most of them happened to be not of my regular groupmates in any of our projects).. And then the name DIGIMOVERS emerged out of the topic of our thesis which is about Digital Television.. we see ourselves as one of the initiators of DTV in the country.. (yah right?!?)

Due to the tight schedule of our thesis, we decided to have our internship together and luckily, we got in to our dream workplace --- the ABS-CBN Broadcasting Corporation..

We have accomplished so many tasks and have developed unfathomable friendship.. it bound us together that we cannot even imagine how we are so attached with each other..

We laughed at our own corny jokes, shared the same out-of-this-world trips, cried in each other’s arms.. and even alienated some of our friends because of our incredible closeness…

Woah! Certainly, our group has gone a long way… thanks to our ever-supportive/ loving - caring/ encouraging/ accommodating adviser (Sir Bonby) who has assisted us in the most possible ways he knows…

Our thesis has ended but the friendship continues to linger on… for we have not only opted to share friendship with each other, but to share our lives as well… I personally have grown to be a better person and i know that if it wasn't because of you guys, i wouldn't be able to achieve this state.. thanks to all of you :-)

Our memories will forever remain in my heart..
Auf Weidersehen,

AJA DIGIMOVERS!

| i feel sorry/happy for a friend..

Supposedly, we will be having a batch party tonight in Fairview at one of my friends' house.. a celebration for a four-year-and-one-term wait to finally finish college... but then the unexpected awful truth happened.. one of our batchmates, i consider as of the closest friends i have (actually all of them are) received a failing mark in one of our f**king subjects, which is Advanced Robotics.. our professor could at least have a heart (not just a heart but a good one!) and give her a passing grade considering all the efforts we have made for the said subject, but then he could not.. our batch president talked to him prior to the release of our class cards concerning about the said matter, that if ever any of our batchmates failed in his subject, would he at least give a little EXTRA considerations.. but then again, he did not.. he still failed students with his high standards... oh well.. he just played his part of being a silent terror professor.. he played it so well!! and so our party was cancelled because of that, but got no hard feelings about it..

that was indeed a shocker!! i could not help myself but feel sorry for a friend who in fact have grown close to me way back in our Internship days.. (i'm so sorry you-know-who-you-are, don't know what to do to at least make you feel better)


to keep balance of the things that were happening, another bombshell was revealed.. i was chatting with one of my friends awhile ago and she just announced to me that she and lee (one of my digimovers friends) have been officially together for like six hours ago.. i was so thrilled that i even jumped off my seat.. after all the tease and the taunt-moments between them, i surely wished that they'd be together and it paid off.. i even had the chance to be a witness of their undying love.. im so proud of e.i. for she never feared of losing the wrong love in favor of a new one which we all knew was right for her.. and to lee, my endless enemy/brother/friend hehe, take good care of her for no one deserves her more than you do.. it was indeed a destined love (try to imagine that they even have the same birthdates.. geez!!?)

just before i get too cheesy about their newly-born relationship-slash-bond-slash-rapport, let me cut this out...

| the BEGINNING!

I am a typical, normal kid who had been raised in a typical, normal place by a typical, normal mother. From my childhood years, I have remembered myself as a very naughty young kid who normally caused accidents. I even remembered the time I was hit by a tricycle in our street when I was five years old. My mother was out of the country for work. We hardly see each other that time for she has to work in other country to support my needs. My childhood years had not been much that fun for I have no parents to play with, to talk with and to be with. I was a product of a broken family.

My father left us when I was still in my mother’s womb. I never had a chance to meet him for he never even spent the time to search and even give an ounce of concern for his son. At first, I thought he was dead but it was only in my 6th Grade did I learn that he was still alive and yet he had not even come to think of me, he didn’t bother to discover if I am alive or not, as if I didn’t exist in this fucking world. I can’t demand things like that for that time. I was only a child. Who would listen to a 12-year old kid speaking things like that by the way? I have two half-siblings, a bother and a sister. They were just like ten years older than me. They are the children of my mother’s first

husband but his husband left them likewise. I feel like it’s a curse of the family for we haven’t seen any successful relationship among us. Four years ago, my brother was supposed to be married with a girl we treated as our own family, but the girl backed out for reasons that we still don’t know. My sister had been in love with a guy whose job is a seaman, but she was devastated when she found out that the man of her dreams was married to a woman living in Negros Occidental. I don’t think that what is happening to our family is just a mere coincidence for it was really unbelievable. It is really depressing to think that my family went through to those stages in life, which I think the darkest ones.

My mother continued supporting my financial needs until my secondary school. She had a vacation here once a year. For me, that wasn’t enough to fill up the lost times we should have been together, but if she hasn’t worked that hard, I don’t think I would be able to go to college. My high school life was the best stage of my life as I can say it is the worst as well. In high school, I have met people who I consider as my best friends. I also developed my self-confidence by joining theatrical organizations that enhance my well-being and helped me developed the talents I have inside. On the contrary, I have learned bad things a typical teenager does in high school. I have learned to puff cigarettes when I was a freshman, to drink liquors when I was a sophomore, to take drugs when I was a junior and the worst, to have sex when I was a senior. Isn’t it amazing? I have been kicked out also from school when I was a junior. I brought so much humiliation to my family just to have a little bit of their attention well in fact, their attentions were all in mine. I was so stupid to disappoint them with their expectations of me, to disrespect the values they have taught me and to hurt the ones who love me more than anybody else. I was the biggest fool at that time for I don’t think before I do some things, which would cause harm to all of us.

Luckily, my family gave me the chance to prove to them that I am not what other people think of me. I was so happy because I have realized that other people might turn their backs at me, mocked me, but not my family. They are the best. They are the ones who will be there for me when there is none.

I have been in loved also with a girl I respected so much. I even did things she asked in an instant of time. I would give her the world if I can and even die just because for her. She was my friend and the feelings developed as we get to know each other. Then the inevitable came, she confessed that she was in love with our friend. My world stopped as we break the relationship I’ve deep-grown to love. I can’t even face the world with a smile just because of that. I don’t know why. Maybe I was too in loved with her. That was the worst thing ever happened to me. To be cheated by a girl. Then, I finally made up my mind never get too involved with a girl until I finish my studies.!

My life had been very much colorful, full of ups and downs. But now, this is a chance I have to prove to myself that I can do things more than I can even imagine. I have lots of opportunities ahead of me. Just like all of us, we are all exposed here on earth with lots of opportunities waiting. All we have to do is to grab those and do the best thing we can do to work it out. My life may not be the ideal life anyone would ever want, but at least I am living it to the fullest!

Welcome to my life peeps.. i assure you that everything that you will learn from here is nothing but the truth..