| let's celebrate L.O.V.E.

still in the process of contemplating my thoughts ...

| shift bid..

shift bid - def. to bid/propose for a shift that you want according to your lifestyle for the next quarter of the year and in accordance to that, you must be able to place on the top ranking of the company's top performers to get more options..

luckily, out of more or less 300 agents that XM Radio has in Sitel i was able to rank 12th on the stack ranking of the company.. that gives me the prospect to bid for a morning shift.. i want a day job, though i really wanna be in the night shift cause of the night differential.. but hey, i want my bodyclock to be normal cause i'd like to gain weight and redeem my strength.. i lost a couple of pounds during the last OT race.. and im preparing myself again cause ive heard rumors that there will be a new race this coming summer and i would really like to prepare for that.. i want to win again *chuckles*.. i maybe a workaholic cause i dont want to be idle and during my offs, i would miss my station and the urge to speak with americans.. the passion to really help people out is still in my blood and though, my mom really disagrees about the knd of job that i have i dont give a damn.. im happy with it and so far im liking it more.. so for the next three months, ill be working my ass out from tuesday to saturdays six ey-em to three pee-em :-)

| pasiyam..

It was over.. Our mournings and long days of praying for my grandma's soul have finally come to its peak.. The other day, we celebrated the Pasiyam of my lola.. Pasiyam is actually a Filipino tradition offered to a dead relative. It is done on the ninth day after the death of a person. During "Pasiyam", the people join in prayer for the repose of the soul of the departed. Foods are also served for the people who join the bereaved family. We do have feast of delicacies from pastas to chicken to filipino dishes and to sweet delights.. During the interment of my lola, i was the one who read the readings from the BIBLE as well as the responsorial psalm and prayer for her soul.. Before the mass ended, the priest asked who would like to speak in the family's behalf for the final words.. None of us agreed cause we really cant bear the pain during that time and so let me tell here what i couldve told everybody during that moment, "i'd like to thank all of those people who graced their presence during one of the toughest times in our lives (me and my family), those who shared their prayers and sympathy to my wonderful lola who has been the greatest among her generations.. it was indeed, through your support and love, that we found strength to withstand the loneliness that was killing us.. rest assured that all the efforts that you guys made were well-appreciated and welcomed by the whole family.." Thank you to the ones who showed love during my distress...

| and so grandma passed away..

yesterday morning, i heard my grandma grasping for breath.. so loud that even i am inside the shower room i can still hear her breathing so hard.. i told my mom about that.. she said yeah she knew it.. and told me to worry no more cause she'll be having her weekly check up that morning.. so before i leave yesterday, i looked at her and told her you're gonna be okay grandma.. and so i went to work.. from there, i learned that i was about to get the prize of my overtime hours on the next payday which was on the 28th of the month.. told myself, isnt it too late because i even promised my mom that as soon as get the pot money im gonna buy medicines for my sick grandma.. and so that was okay.. what can i do?? but to wait -- and so i went home after work, starving and sleepy.. as i entered the door, no one seems to answer my call.. hmm.. pretty odd cause normally when i got home i would see my mom preparing my food already but nobody was there.. and so i asked my relatives in the compound for the whereabouts of my mom.. they told me the shocking news that grandma already passed away.. well, that explains the reason why her bedsheets were already folded and kept.. i dunno what to say then.. the idea of losing her didnt sink into me that instantly.. i thought she was still having this operation and im praying she'll make it through.. she was diagnosed of pneumonia (not just the ordinary one!!) i really dont know the exact name of it - my bad!! and then i called my bestfriends, my close friends.. breaking them the news i found out was the hardest thing to do - much more when i did it to my brother who was at overseas.. i cant find the exact words to say but, "wala na si lola.. iniwan niya na tayo!!".. the only regret i have inside is the fact that i wasnt able to help her out when i had the chance to.. i even told my mom that im going to buy her medicines once i received the prize for my award.. one of the reasons why i joined the OT race in our company is to help her out.. but i guess that was too late.. even before i had the chance to do that for her, she already left us.. i remembered my aunt and mom crying so hard when they arrived home.. stuttering, my mom told us how the operation went through.. the doctors were trying to get blood from her body but the syringe could not get in to any of her veins.. they have been doing that for two hours and luckily, a vein was spotted wherein they could get a blood sample from her.. and then the x-ray was done.. she was about to be transferred to the 4th floor of the hospital for the next operation, she was at ER in the first floor prior to that... and when they went, the doctors were so pleased to see my grandma.. they were checking her condition until the doctor said "oh, bakit wala ng pulse si lola!!" and then the nurses rushed in and immediately did everything to revive her.. my mom who was the only who witnessed that was so shocked and didnt know what to do.. she didnt know whom to turn to or seek for help.. she didnt bring her fone with her.. and so, the doctors were trying to open her mouth to put the tube that was supposed for oxygen breathing but grandma doesnt want to open it anymore.. it's a silent way of saying she gave up.. she had lots of suffering already and maybe, that was her time to go away.. my other aunt who was at the pharmacy back then went up to the 4th floor to see my grandma's condition.. as she was going up, she noticed some butterflies approacing her way.. minding about the condition of my lola, she didnt pay attention to the insects.. little did she know that maybe, that was my grandma's soul.. i really miss my grandma so much.. it's the first time that we lost an immediate family member and it was so hard that i cant even imagine.. harder than i felt whenever i see someone dying in the movies.. the last time i told my grandma that i love her was maybe 3 days before she left.. if only i knew that she'll be passing away yesterday, i couldve told her many i love yous then.. i was a lola's boy and forever will be.. the values that she shared to me will be forever be in my heart and i will keep her in my heart as long as i can.. i love you lola.. i just cant believe you passed away.. ill be missing you..

| DSL mode..

finally, after a long argument and persuasion between me and my family members, they gave in to let me and my cousin sign up for a dsl service through pldt.. at last, long hours of dial up are now over and i can have the unlimited hours of downloading my fave mp3s and videos (porn hehe!!).. new year, new air to breathe.. though havent that much luck for love, ive got nothing to worry with my friends around.. earlier today, four of my college kadas contacted me to help em get in to my company.. without batting an eyelash, i immediately made myself accountable for their entrance.. id do anything to help em get in.. good thing i've known someone from the hr.. maybe i could fix some one night stand in favor of their hiring.. just kidding.. but if that's what it'll take to help my friends get in, why not??? i mean, i could do everything for my loved ones, what difference does it make if id do somethig outrageous like that for my friends?? im keeping my fingers crossed, planning ahead of the things we'll be doing when they get hired and lots of fun and laughters we'll be sharing on the floor.. im so excited for that matter.. my adrenalins are rushing up aside from the fact that i had a straight 20-hour sleep.. geez, im so ready for the year ahead - for all the challenges and memories im going to make..

year 2006 will just like be a dsl mode for me - unlimited services at 100MBPS..

| Thank You For Your Love by DIMSUM

My life was a constant uphill climb Never got it right Each one I loved went through a change of heart You came and my world turned upside down You sung a different tune Can't let go It keeps playing on my mind Now there's a reason to wake up each day A reason to shake my blues away Now I am whole, a lucky soul I wanna thank you for your love Thank you Thank you for your love Confused My heart was in a daze Learn to live with pain I loved too haste then watch it go to waste You came and brought music to my soul Inspired me to the very core You touched me well No one has been before * Now there's a reson to wake up each day I thank the Lord for sending you my way Now I am whole, a lucky soul I wanna thank you for your love Thank you Thank you for your love I saw the world in shades of black and gray, yey Turning blue with every passing day Just when I thought that maybe all was lost My life took on a new turn And it's all because It's because (repeat *) Now looking back All the pain No more dark clouds