NOTE: What you’re gonna read might shock or offend you…It will reveal things that only a select few know. But im so tired of pretending. This is me, the real me. I only ask that you understand. That you try to see that what lies beyond all of this… is nothing short of beautiful…. - marco
I was a dreamer once. I dreamt of things far away, of things reachable only by pure emotion… of things symbolic. Of things special. Once, I dreamt of love. And those dreams betrayed me… and betray me hard they did.
They came, you know, like Venus Flytraps, spellbinding, falsely supporting me with Herculean strength, blinding my eyes with promises of forever, whispered kisses that struck my heart like golden arrows… then left me with scars I barely noticed… only evident when it was already too late… like a disease, it had already eaten me up.
They spared me no pity… the horsemen... Save for a select few, they didn’t give a damn about how I felt. They only cared about whether I gave them what they wanted… too late did their motives become clear… it was when my body was badly bruised from unemotional sex, my lips chapped from kisses of lust, evocative of icy chill, and my eyes, dripping with the tears of broken vows…
I could only cry. It was the only thing I could do. And while I was weeping, the whole world went on, that subway of adulterated creation. It was medieval, surreal. I felt as if I was swimming in a pool filled with nothing but confusion, with ripples rivaling that of the ocean… and the worst thing was… I was alone. 3 years. 3 years of flings, dates – guys pretending to be something they’re not… 3 years of playing. 3 years of lies.
Then on, I became a skeptic. I was sure that it was karma – payback for all the hurt I gave to the guys who didn’t meet my standards - the price of playing with emotions. The exchange that fate deemed necessary to make me feel what I made those guys feel when I broke up with them…. And then I realized that I was so unfair…. That I was an ass. And that closed me up… almost entirely.
And although there were still some guys wanting to get together with me, somehow, it didn’t make any sense… my heart had become cold, and it couldn’t let anyone in. Not even for a second of honest flirting…I just went out for fun, moreso, bad fun…all I knew was I can’t get hurt again…
Sigh...it was soooo dark.
THEN you came, Julius. My Julius. And I cried again… but this time, it was tears of joy.
You shone like the sun, and all I felt was warmth. Like that fuzzy feeling you get that everything’s gonna be ok. You melted me. I felt emotions running through me again like a sudden rush of rose petals, floating gracefully in the autumn sun... And in that special place where there’s just you and me, that place where I can hold you in my arms, and whisper sweet nothings, that place where you allowed me to see your heart …then I realized…. You’re the one.
… God’s angel, sent from up above. With wings of silk and lace….enabling me to sleep in your warm embrace… baby, it was all I could have ever wanted. All that I ever needed.
… The dreams started coming again, only this time, it felt real, genuine, like as if all the hurting in the past was worth it…. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like the happiest guy in the whole world.
My heart, my whole heart…I gave to you. It’s yours now. With you, I see a silver streak – a lining of hope, that gives me life… a promise that the other lost parts would grow back. All of it – with your name etched on its surface, lovingly.
You saved my heart… from being broken apart completely.
You told me that you find me perfect… Baby, im not. Im not… But despite my imperfections, I promise to be here for you always…. Always.
And just as the song goes… “I will honor every word that I say… on this day.”
Julius… I love you. I know I’ve said this a lot of times. And I will say it over and over again, without hesitation. You get me like no one ever did. You see into my soul.. You are my angel, the one I’ve been waiting for. The love of my life.
I will love you forever, and with you by my side, I know I can face the world again.
I will proudly walk with you while holding your hand, and kiss you wherever the place will be. Di ako mahihiya.
Light is in your eyes. Love is in your heart. And I can’t believe you’re mine.
AND NOW THE STORY OF MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT YOU.
“My angel in the night, you are the love, the love of my life…”
“You gave me everything when you gave your heart to me…”
Like what you said…”our journey has started and im looking forward to years of unity, respect and a lot of love.” Julius my baby, I will uphold our promises sealed with kisses and a pinky swear.
… Walang iwanan to’
Again, I love you. Take care always…. I will be your prince forever, as you will be mine.
