| bewilderment of the heart

lately, I have been (emotionally??) involved with a girl that I am working with.. it all started after the night we went out.. some things happened during that night that I need not to elaborate.. let’s just say that we quite had a good time with each other.. and so we texted over the weekends and shared thoughts about ourselves.. I was totally awed by what she has just revealed.. though I don’t wanna brag about it, she said that, “I like you..”.. I don’t know where that came from or what gave her the reason to feel such thing towards me.. I mean everybody knows in our workplace what my sexual preference is and that what I was showing off my bisexual side.. (but not totally out!! and mind you, I do not cross dress – though I have nothing against it, I just don’t like the idea of wearing opposite sex’s garments.. I have been an open book to everybody for the longest time and I like it to be that way for the rest of my life.. that’s one way I think of being honest to one’s self..) and so I didn’t know what to say to her after learning what was on her mind.. honestly, I feel elated by the fact that she has this feeling for me but I don’t wanna use that to take advantage of the situation.. I mean I don’t wanna commit myself to someone just because she likes me.. it’s more like of an inner evaluation and a lot of consideration to finally get into a relationship (oh! now I’m growing up!!).. and there are factors that complicate things which I prefer not to discuss for her privacy.. but right now, I am enjoying her company and who knows, this might be the start of something different.. what thrilled me the most with her leak was that she accepts me for who I am.. and that I think what matters most.. it’s seldom that I encounter a person like her.. I shared this story with my well-trusted hommies and they told me just to hold on to my thoughts and do not rush things.. think it over and just have a great time with her.. but then one friend asked me, “what about *** ?”.. and then that’s where the confusion starts.. what if he comes back (though there are least possibility for such thing to happen).. but then, just a moment ago.. I’ve learned that he’s back in the country.. somehow, I was/am still hoping for him to reach me.. but that’s okay.. I understand that his life is entirely way out of mine.. so the question now is, "should I go to the first available person there is or should I stick to the one who holds my heart for the past two months??"

well, my answer is – I do not know!!