| and so grandma passed away..

yesterday morning, i heard my grandma grasping for breath.. so loud that even i am inside the shower room i can still hear her breathing so hard.. i told my mom about that.. she said yeah she knew it.. and told me to worry no more cause she'll be having her weekly check up that morning.. so before i leave yesterday, i looked at her and told her you're gonna be okay grandma.. and so i went to work.. from there, i learned that i was about to get the prize of my overtime hours on the next payday which was on the 28th of the month.. told myself, isnt it too late because i even promised my mom that as soon as get the pot money im gonna buy medicines for my sick grandma.. and so that was okay.. what can i do?? but to wait -- and so i went home after work, starving and sleepy.. as i entered the door, no one seems to answer my call.. hmm.. pretty odd cause normally when i got home i would see my mom preparing my food already but nobody was there.. and so i asked my relatives in the compound for the whereabouts of my mom.. they told me the shocking news that grandma already passed away.. well, that explains the reason why her bedsheets were already folded and kept.. i dunno what to say then.. the idea of losing her didnt sink into me that instantly.. i thought she was still having this operation and im praying she'll make it through.. she was diagnosed of pneumonia (not just the ordinary one!!) i really dont know the exact name of it - my bad!! and then i called my bestfriends, my close friends.. breaking them the news i found out was the hardest thing to do - much more when i did it to my brother who was at overseas.. i cant find the exact words to say but, "wala na si lola.. iniwan niya na tayo!!".. the only regret i have inside is the fact that i wasnt able to help her out when i had the chance to.. i even told my mom that im going to buy her medicines once i received the prize for my award.. one of the reasons why i joined the OT race in our company is to help her out.. but i guess that was too late.. even before i had the chance to do that for her, she already left us.. i remembered my aunt and mom crying so hard when they arrived home.. stuttering, my mom told us how the operation went through.. the doctors were trying to get blood from her body but the syringe could not get in to any of her veins.. they have been doing that for two hours and luckily, a vein was spotted wherein they could get a blood sample from her.. and then the x-ray was done.. she was about to be transferred to the 4th floor of the hospital for the next operation, she was at ER in the first floor prior to that... and when they went, the doctors were so pleased to see my grandma.. they were checking her condition until the doctor said "oh, bakit wala ng pulse si lola!!" and then the nurses rushed in and immediately did everything to revive her.. my mom who was the only who witnessed that was so shocked and didnt know what to do.. she didnt know whom to turn to or seek for help.. she didnt bring her fone with her.. and so, the doctors were trying to open her mouth to put the tube that was supposed for oxygen breathing but grandma doesnt want to open it anymore.. it's a silent way of saying she gave up.. she had lots of suffering already and maybe, that was her time to go away.. my other aunt who was at the pharmacy back then went up to the 4th floor to see my grandma's condition.. as she was going up, she noticed some butterflies approacing her way.. minding about the condition of my lola, she didnt pay attention to the insects.. little did she know that maybe, that was my grandma's soul.. i really miss my grandma so much.. it's the first time that we lost an immediate family member and it was so hard that i cant even imagine.. harder than i felt whenever i see someone dying in the movies.. the last time i told my grandma that i love her was maybe 3 days before she left.. if only i knew that she'll be passing away yesterday, i couldve told her many i love yous then.. i was a lola's boy and forever will be.. the values that she shared to me will be forever be in my heart and i will keep her in my heart as long as i can.. i love you lola.. i just cant believe you passed away.. ill be missing you..