| bewilderment of the heart

lately, I have been (emotionally??) involved with a girl that I am working with.. it all started after the night we went out.. some things happened during that night that I need not to elaborate.. let’s just say that we quite had a good time with each other.. and so we texted over the weekends and shared thoughts about ourselves.. I was totally awed by what she has just revealed.. though I don’t wanna brag about it, she said that, “I like you..”.. I don’t know where that came from or what gave her the reason to feel such thing towards me.. I mean everybody knows in our workplace what my sexual preference is and that what I was showing off my bisexual side.. (but not totally out!! and mind you, I do not cross dress – though I have nothing against it, I just don’t like the idea of wearing opposite sex’s garments.. I have been an open book to everybody for the longest time and I like it to be that way for the rest of my life.. that’s one way I think of being honest to one’s self..) and so I didn’t know what to say to her after learning what was on her mind.. honestly, I feel elated by the fact that she has this feeling for me but I don’t wanna use that to take advantage of the situation.. I mean I don’t wanna commit myself to someone just because she likes me.. it’s more like of an inner evaluation and a lot of consideration to finally get into a relationship (oh! now I’m growing up!!).. and there are factors that complicate things which I prefer not to discuss for her privacy.. but right now, I am enjoying her company and who knows, this might be the start of something different.. what thrilled me the most with her leak was that she accepts me for who I am.. and that I think what matters most.. it’s seldom that I encounter a person like her.. I shared this story with my well-trusted hommies and they told me just to hold on to my thoughts and do not rush things.. think it over and just have a great time with her.. but then one friend asked me, “what about *** ?”.. and then that’s where the confusion starts.. what if he comes back (though there are least possibility for such thing to happen).. but then, just a moment ago.. I’ve learned that he’s back in the country.. somehow, I was/am still hoping for him to reach me.. but that’s okay.. I understand that his life is entirely way out of mine.. so the question now is, "should I go to the first available person there is or should I stick to the one who holds my heart for the past two months??"

well, my answer is – I do not know!!

| my purpose..

Yesterday, during our second day of advanced training… the instructor (new!) asked me of what would be my purpose in life.. thinking that I should not focus in my dreams only but for the general aspect why I am living my life – I told her, “that I want to contribute to humanity by sharing God’s given skills and knowledge that I have”.. and that was okay.. but then, my co-trainees said their speeches and they got so emotional.. that they concentrated more on what they think should be the sole reason why they want to work.. some answered about family stuff and some answered about achieving personal desire.. and so all were touched by their stories even if they are told in just a single line… before the instructor ended such a brainier activity, I told her if I can change my purpose and be specific of what I really want in life… and so she let me proceed with my spill – and I told everybody that, “I want to succeed in life and so I can prove to my dad that I can do better without him..” and everybody sympathized me.. because as of that moment, that was what I want to do with my life.. to equip myself with every knowledge that I can acquire before the moment we face each other.. to somehow let him realize that even if he’s not here to guide nor support me if not love me, well, it doesn’t matter cause im doing good without his presence.. and then that was over.. as we waited for our own phone simulations, I got the chance to talk to two of my co-trainees (my turned-out-to-be-counselors).. it was just a how-are-you question and more like of a harutan at first.. I cant really recall how did it start but I suddenly found myself answering the question of Jane if what I have said earlier was really my purpose in life.. and so Audrey and her started lecturing me about the right motivation that should be taking to reach the right direction in life not the one that leads to bitterness and anger that I have just shown and told.. I was blown away by Jane’s question and it went like this, “Ja, what are you going to do after you have met your father and finally proved to him that you can do better (survive) without him???” and then I contemplated things and told myself, “Oo nga noh!”.. what will be my next driving force.. is that it?? Is that the end of it?? And then they started talking about their lives and how they have overcome if not the same but greater intensity of bitterness they have as well before.. their stories were really inspiring and then I told myself that if these two can do it, well, I can as well.. I mean finally letting go of the negative things they have in their lives.. maybe, that’s why the result of my psychological test showed that I am a melancholic person.. it’s because I dwell too much on the negative things rather than the positive.. that though im trying hard to cover it up by cranking jokes all the time, making it a habit to make other people laugh and entertaining as many people as I can – still, there’s something that holds me for me not to feel the same way I let other people want to feel – and that is to be happy and fulfilled.. I have completely forgotten about myself and the people that love me the most – my family.. that I should be grateful despite the fact that the other half of me is missing (cause of my father’s identity) but I realized from the sort-of-a-therapy that I have gone with my two counselors that I can get that other half of identity to my family, friends and to the people who love me.. I have focused myself in looking forward to the day me and my father will meet, and so I have overlooked that my mom is here with me – that I should thank her instead for she was able to bring us all up by herself.. (love you mommy!).. and so I promise myself to let go of the bad things I have in my heart.. it’ll not happen overnight but im sure that eventually, I will be able to gather the lost pieces of myself.. and for the third time, “Can I change my purpose??” – my purpose now is to do whatever it takes to bring comfort to my mom and my family so long as I live..

*a special thanks to Audrey and Jane for making me ponder these thoughts..

| melancholic..

Just this morning I was able to view the results of the psychological test I took months ago as a requirement for our graduation.. the guidance counselor was so pleased to inform me that I really have nice results.. she first showed me the results of the aptitude test which I got superior in all of the areas especially in numerical, blah-blah (forgot to retain in my memory the other tests).. then for the personality test, I also got superior in most of the areas which definitely showed what I am made of.. I got excellent in creativity and other blah-blahs.. (sorry again..) and then for the IQ test, well, I kinda sucked hehe.. (but at least im still in the above average bracket – though not that high scores compared to others!!) but the counselor told me that was okay.. she told me that I have the skills (competent skills) and all I need to do is to work on it cause knowledge will not be stagnant unless you give effort to improve yourself.. so for that part, there is always room for improvement and development.. the last part of the results struck me that much… she told me that as an over-all personality and aptitude assessment – I am a melancholic.. which means I am a person who tends to be gloomy or depressed at times.. maybe because I was/am too sensitive of the way others think of me, or even always seeking for their approval for what I did.. it’s quite true.. I mean it’s totally true in the sense that I tend to be introvert for some time.. always assessing myself if I have done the right thing or not, and even have a propensity to feel inferior in front of others.. maybe because I am a shy person – or am I not?? Waahh!! Maybe I need to take another psychological test again cause im fu**ing confused wehehe.. but if there’s one thing I am not confused of – it would probably be my sexual preference.. okay.. this blog is a total mess.. my bad!!

| thank you for calling SITEL!! this is jay, how may I help you??

view http://buliut-stripped.blogspot.com or just click STRIPPED! on my other blogs for more pictures!

We just finished our foundation training in SITEL and I had a blast!! That was I think the best training experience I’ve had.. not to mention the best (handsomest and sexiest) instructor I’ve ever met.. and the good thing about that was we have the same name.. oh well..

To start with.. we started our training at the first day of last week.. we had our training in ortigas which is near to my place so just an FX ride will do.. the building is located in emerald avenue (currently F. Ortigas Rd) in front of Raffles Building.. our building is like the oldest building in the entire avenue.. bwahaha!! During our first day, but of course I was too shy to befriend most of them.. the people I bonded with during the orientation were assigned to different training venue that’s why I got scared knowing them.. but I did manage to survive.. of course, with my natural charm (naks!) and with my smile, I was able to gain their trust and befriend them all.. I mean I made it a point to know all of them.. have a chitchat with them often and showed who I really am.. I don’t want them to judge me nor misinterpret what I was saying or doing so I told them right away about my sexual preference.. and fortunately, most of them did not turn their backs at me.. they accepted me for who I am..

As days passed by, we got close to each other.. especially with mommy lou, gem and trunk.. we were like the fantastic four of sitel… hmm… I wonder which character would I be.. mommy lou (half-blimp who is so conscious about what she looks like in the pictures) is the bestfriend of my current chatmate/textmate who happened to be the acquaintance of gus.. what a small world, indeed!! (im sorry mom, but I don’t think I’m the type of guy your bestfriend would want to be with).. anyways, trunk is the alter ego of rico barrera of pinoy big brother.. he is like the bisexual version of rico.. he also has this superb abs and pulled-up hair.. not to mention the black glasses he has as well… and then gem is like the innocent/tame version of joyce jimenez.. indeed, every angle of her ensembles jj.. but she is the sweetest and richest gal in SITEL wahaha..

The rest of the group was super okay!! They have their own stories and own reasons why they were engaged in this kind of work.. their narratives were overwhelming because they depict the reality of life.. and somehow, I got connected to some and to the rest, I sympathized them.. I just don’t know what to say when I hear their stories.. they were heart-felt and madrama talaga!

Then yesterday was the last day of our foundation training and all of us passed… Kudos to XM Radio Pioneer Agents wehehe.. we are now heading to the next level which is the Product Specific Training.. then hopefully we all get certified.. I mean we bonded na talaga eh and I wouldn’t want to lose any of them.. they were so good to me.. last night, we went out to Oodie’s.. we had some beers there (following the pizza treat the company gave us) and some singing sessions.. whew!! my vocal chords were kinda worn out but I handled to pull it off wahaha.. thanks to my singing buddies – jarla, kaye, mischelle, trunk, ian (and her band – geko!) surely, we deserve that night after a week and a half of strenuous training.. I’m going to miss you guys.. see y’all on monday, ayt???

- so, is there anything else I can help you with?? okay, thank you for calling Sitel and have a nice day :-)

| bench

For the longest time I haven’t had my haircut.. ,
and so today, to have a new look in preparation for my first day of work – I finally had my haircut… thanks to bench fix salon and to all the staff who made me at ease and who provided good customer service (waah!!).. thanks to bench fix styling stick to keep my hair up and to give sturdy look.. to bench moisturizing body spray to keep luscious skin.. and bench deo body spray who never lets me down haha!

| october bash!

It’s the first day of October and I can now smell the graduation day - as well as the beer fest haha!! Though, the department keeps us hanging because they were not yet releasing the official list of the graduating students, but I still they’re just faking it.. you know, for us to worry because we haven’t submitted the final copy of our thesis because it was stuck in the ERC for grammar corrections and minor editing.. nevertheless, we can work on that.. im sure we can.. so, there’s no stopping us from graduating in the 22nd of October.. fyi, we will be having our recollection this coming Saturday in san mateo, rizal.. at first, we kinda thought that it was again, another expense for us but we were so happy to know that it will be an all-expense paid trip except of course, for your transportation in going to the assembly place and to your toiletries, chips – need I say more? Anyway, im so excited bout the trip.. im sure it’ll be fun and a lot of bonding moments will be dwelled upon us – again!

| Starbuck's scam or myth?!?

The story that I will tell has been told by mouths and in my opinion, I think it’s quite true.. I’m so sorry.. I thrive in gossips a lot.. ergoes.. there was this old filthy rich man who’s living in Manhattan.. well, one of his fave things to do everyday is to have a cup of Cappuccino, which he orders in Starbucks’s.. He buys the same blend of Cappuccino almost everyday for the past uhmm I think more than ten years of his life.. and because of that, he can be considered as one of Starbuck’s valued customers.. but one day, he realized that it will cost him less if he will just get this Cappuccino maker, (that is available in Starbuck’s and will cost for about less than a hundred bucks) bring it to his house and from there, make his own blend of Cappuccino.. so what he did was he purchased this Capp maker and was so agitated to make his fave blend of Capp.. but as days passed by, he got pissed off for reasons that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t make the exact blend of Capp the same from what he used to pay for in Starbuck’s... and so he returned it to Starbuck’s to get his money back but the manager of the Manhattan branch refused to.. He told the old man that, “im sorry sir, we can’t do that because you have already used the machine..” but the old man insisted that, “Hey! I really want my money back because you know what, I just couldn’t get the exact same blend of Capp that I used to buy here in Starbuck’s..”. and so the discussion ended.. and the old man was so dissatisfied because he can’t get his money back.. so what he did next was that he called up Starbuck’s headquarters in Seattle, Washington and talked to one of the top executives there.. But the thing was, he was told that he really can’t get his money back but he was offered that his Capp maker will be replaced by the new model with upgrade.. hmm.. pretty good deal, huh?! But even though that was a great deal, the old man still want to get his money back.. and so the top executive ended the phone conversation refusing to the old man’s demands.. the next day, the old man paid a full-page ad (cost 100,000 dollars or more) to the New York Times telling that Starbuck’s could not stand behind their products.. that he was so mad because he just can’t get his money back for the Capp maker that he purchased.. you know, that Starbuck’s couldn’t make a money-back guarantee.. and so the whole nation knew about that news and for Starbuck’s, it was a bad publicity indeed.. they were alarmed.. and so the next day, Starbuck’s paid a full-page ad as well, and told about their apologies to the old man.. and from there, the old man then received a special Starbuck’s card that he can bring to any Starbuck’s outlets and avail a free cup of coffee.. whether that may be in Timbuktu or in Honolulu – he can have his Starbuck’s coffee for free!!

Well, the moral lesson of the story is that we should be exercising our rights as customers to the full extent.. what I mean is, that we should not be afraid to demand because after all, the company would not exist if it weren’t for us – the customers! And so they must give us not just not good but best customer service all the time..

*Thanks to EJ (one of our trainors) for sharing these thoughts with me..

| nocturnal..

for me, adjusting my body clock to the exact opposite of the normal one is not so-biggie! You know, I stay up late at night most of the time to do downloads, surfing, chatting, blogging, etcetera because that’s the only time I can avail of the free unlimited hours of my internet service provider (thanks to ISP Bonanza – P60 – 2 months w/ 10 hrs for peak hours and free unlimited access from 12pm to 8am).. and so, our orientation last night was okay for me.. I get to learn more of the company’s profile and objectives.. as well as the salary computation, which actually bored us out.. I didn’t quite expect that there a lot of taxes to be paid and a lot of deductions to be considered before getting your actual salary.. whew! that’s way too high! But anyways, I enjoyed the orientation especially when Nod (moderator) was cranking jokes and making faces.. he can be a stand-up comedian as an alternate career, I guess.. im kinda happy with the account that we will be handling for we are the pioneer of the said account.. sounds de ja vu.. because I’ve been a pioneer of the ECE batch of FEU-EAC that’s why.. and other organizations as well.. later on, we have found out that the our batch was divided I think into two for the training.. too bad, my buddies aren’t with me.. the good news is I’ve been assigned near to my place so, you know, less cab-a-holic so that I can save money hehe.. and it’s scheduled from 1pm – 9pm.. that’s makes a lot of sense cause I will still be able to catch PBB.. :-)